Jet Lag

Episode eight of Projekt Klumway opens with a *gasp* shirtless Candy Kayne mourning the loss of Auf'd designer/gal pal Robert. Who will he have as a co-conspirator in bitchery or late night patty-cake games? Note to producers, who do I submit my therapy bill to after seeing Jeffrey shirtless and now Candy Kayne's man-boobs? I know sex sells, but please leave that to shows that have people who look good in various stages of undress.

After Candy's confession, we see Vincent in mad scientist mode telling us that his win was the metaphorical "shot in the arm"” he was waiting for. I don't care whether it's administered via needle or pill form, just Auf him soon for chrissakes. I'm still scratching my head over his win, but as the saying goes, the show must go on. Meanwhile, Jeffrey is still angry. He's ranting and raving about Angela coming down to their apartment to bum smokes. Clearly I don't understand why Angela can't get her own smokes and escape somewhere elusive like the rooftop. I thank god that I don't have any addictions that would require Jeffrey to be my sponsor.

Uli and Laura are discussing Laura's baby bump. Laura makes it clear that being knocked up is a minor inconvenience. She hasn't let motherhood stand in her way before, so why start now?

Back at the runway Frau Klum brings out the remaining nine models. Two models will be asked to leave as last week it was a family affair. The designers choose their models which leaves Danielle and Alexandra out. Amanda, which we will refer to as Demanda from here on out, nearly wets her panties backstage. She is very excited not to have been eliminated and believes that she deserves to win. The other models don't share her perspective, but a girls gotta dream right? Plus every season needs it's token crazy model.

Frau Klum tells the group their next challenge involves designing for a hip, international jetsetter. Jeffrey assumes she's referring to him. Candy Kayne thinks it's going to be Tara Reid, based on her wardrobe malfunctions and posthumous show Taradise. Becky please!

Before Frau Klum sends them to the workroom to hear about the details of the challenge from Tim, she says that there are benefits to winning that will be revealed in a future challenge. So cryptic that Frau Klum!

Back in the workroom Tim reveals that the hip, international jetsetter is in fact themselves and they will be modeling their own ensembles . They have fifteen minutes to sketch, $75 for fabric, and until midnight that night to make the ensemble.

Uli is excited because she fancies herself a hip, international jetsetter. Vincent is not getting off as heÂ’s never done menswear before.

Most of the designers go with what they know. Jeffrey's inspiration is rock stars. Laura is going to make a cocktail dress as she doesn't want to fall out of her comfort zone. Angela is stumped. Seriously don't any of these people have a frame of reference? I'm still reeling from Bradley's quip about not knowing who Cher was.

At Mood we see Candy Kayne selecting a bold pink and purple abstract teardrop patterned fabric. He explains that he's going to construct a black shirt and use cutouts from the fabric on the back and on the sleeves of the shirt.

Angela is looking at muted pink and green fabrics, Tim observes this and suggests she choose something more hip. She must be either half listening or ignoring him because she continues to make poor choices fabric-wise. Michael is searching for Hamptons meets Da Hood fabrics.

Back at the Parsons workroom Uli has a million prints on her station. Laura says it's "an Uli explosion." Uli interviews that she travels a lot and always takes party dresses made from prints like the ones she has chosen, because they go from day to evening and you can "get wasted" in them.

Angela, still perplexed talks about her cousin Jack and how he travels around to hunt. Jack's sister calls him the Hillbilly Jetsetter. Somehow I don't think that's what they're looking for and it's kind of sad to see her floundering so much, but not really. I mean get a grip girl.

Back in the crazy corner is Vincent. He's removed his pants and is laughing maniacally while cutting fabric. It looks like he's using the pants he was wearing as a template for the pants he's about to make. I picture him running around the sanatorium he was at prior to this running around in his boxers.

Angela and Jeffrey have yet another confrontation. She tells him that if he has something to say to her, he should say it to her face. He responds by saying something to the effect of not wanting to look at her face or talk to her. He's still sore from the last challenge and will not let it go. Note to Jeffrey, loose the mama drama and move on.

Tim enters the workroom and goes to Jeffrey first. As usual he is full of delusion regarding his superiority. Tim tells him, "it's not boring."

Laura tells Tim that she's trying not to be boring or too classic. She adds that it feels different from anything she has sent down the runway before. Laura interviews that she feels good about her garment, but she liked her last one too, and that got "nailed on the runway." She's trying to learn from the judges and keep things "young and fresh."

Next up is Candy Kayne. Tim is direct and tells him that it's looking very "Elvis." Well frankly what was Tim expecting? Candy Kayne is all flash and trash.

Michael explains his Hamptons/Hood aesthetic for Tim. He tells Tim that he's going to wear a regular t-shirt under his jacket, which "worries" Tim. Heeding Tim's advice he changes gears and decides to make a collared shirt.

Tim tells Angela that her design looks very "Holly Hobbie." She seems surprised by this comment. I was too as the Holly Hobbie I remember was more like Laura Ingalls Wilder than her current incarnation, but I'll be damned he's spot on.

The workday ends and the designers go back to the apartment where Michael gives Candy Kayne some runway walk advice. He's not bad. His tip is step back a couple of times before turning around at the end of the runway. Ms. Kayne is not so lucky and tells Michael that he has the ghetto advantage and plays his white trash card. C'mon pageant gown maker, gather your dolls and work it. There are plenty of models who came from humble beginnings and know how to work it. I've watched America's Next Top Model so I know.

The next morning back at the workroom, Tim tells them that they have an hour before the runway. Jeffrey says it's going "to be fun to rock down the runway." He actually tripped on "walk" and said "rock," but he just went with it. Angela has her hair blown straight. Michael says that he did not want to waste any time with styling, since he still had to finish up his shirt.

We see a shirtless and harried Candy Kayne making last minute embellishment in his man-panties. My eyes! We hear Laura say that she loves him as a person but that he has a "tackiness that just doesn't translate to high fashion." I'd say she's right.

On the runway Frau Klum introduces judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and guest judge Francisco Costa, creative director of Calvin Klein Women. She explains the challenge and the show begins.

First up is Vincent. He has made black pants paired with a black v-neck sweater. Very Banana Republic. He used his own pants to create a rub-off, so I guess he is still getting off, just in a different way. It doesn't look bad, but it's obviously boring and safe.

Next out is Jeffrey's design. His outfit is definitely rock-and-roll. The pants are pinstriped and slim-fitted. His jacket looks a bit more like a shrug as it appears a bit too small for his frame. Maybe it's the illusion of his trunk-like neck throwing me off? Most disturbing to me however is his bejeweled crotch.

Angela comes out wearing brown cargo capri pants with two two big rosettes on each ass cheek. The red satin top that accompanies this is a tween dream, but certainly not first class. All this paired with a pair of black biker boots and a bag. No, no, nooooo!

Laura's dress is a pale pink halter-dress with a wrap-tie at the midriff. It is less structured than some of her previous designs and it was also refreshing to see her hair down. That, or I could just be a sucker for her motherly glow.

Michael follows with his hip-hop seersucker parachute pants with straps hanging off of them. He made a shirt with a band collar that zips halfway down the front of the shirt accentuated with a bit o' bling.

Stop the press...it's Candy Kayne in Vegas. He's resurrected his namesake belt for this challenge and apparently the term '"tasteful" or "restraint" do not apply here. It's garish and over the top.

Uli is the final designer to walk the plank, I mean runway. It's a halter-styled dress, with a myriad of prints all the way to the floor. Long live the Caribbean Queen.

On the runway, Frau Klum asks them to explain their concepts. Uli tells the judges her dress is ready to party. Michael and Nina feel that Uli's dress is Miami, L.A., and the Caribbean, but nowhere else. Francisco says it's over the top. Uli says that it was her intent to create a dress for the destinations they are referring to. Michael returns her response and explains that they've seen this dress on her before and would like to see her expand beyond this genre.

Angela shows her fleurchons and calls them "signature Angela." Michael Kors feels that she could not have made a worse choice for fabric as silk linen travels poorly. Adding insult to injury he continues by saying that she looks like a wreck just standing there and would look like a homeless person after traveling. I love his bitchery.

Laura explains that her dress is intended for parties. Francisco doesn't like the knot of fabric in the back, but Michael Kors doesn't miss a beat and says that you could bring it around and tie in the front. Nina thinks that Laura's dress would translate as chic anywhere. Take that Francisco!

Frau Klum asks Jeffrey where he's going, and he replies, "Isn't it obvious?" He's a rock star, duh. Francisco thinks he looks great. Frau Klum thinks it looks expensive. Nina says it's very "now." I half expected to see Frau Klum and Nina Garcia with their arms around his legs, while Jeffrey was taking Francisco from behind.

Vincent tells the judges his goal was to create something classic and comfortable. Frau Klum thinks it's basic and simple. Francisco likes it, it's very CK- yawn. Nina adds that classic garments require precise execution, which in her opinion was not realized in his design. Michael Kors thinks it looks like the pajamas they give you in first class. He agrees that it's comfortable and easy, but he doesnÂ’t see any "twist." "I'm the twist," replies Vincent.

Michael tells the judges that his vision was to merge hip-hop with classic American style. Michael Kors likes it as he feels that seersucker is great to travel with because it's pre-wrinkled. Francisco thinks the look is "smart." Nina says that she totally sees where he is going. I must admit to that I thought his personal style translated perfectly here.

Candy Kayne tells the judges he would be traveling and expecting butterflies and ponies to see him, so he'd want to look fairy-fabulous. Nina says, "Candy Kayne or Elvis?" Michael Kors says that the outfit is made well, but is over the top.

Frau Klum tells the designers that no one will be eliminated in this round and that they are interested in seeing how well the designers' outfits travel. They have one hour to go back to their respective apartments and pack. They will find out where their destination is once they arrive at the airport.

At the airport, they retrieve their tickets from a kiosk and discover that they are going to Paris. Candy Kayne has never left the country, so he is very excited to see Paris. Jeffrey says that "the birthplace of fashion" is inspiring to him and the other designers. Laura has been pretty subdued, but is overjoyed when she finds out that they are traveling first class and moves her knot to the front of her dress.

The designers arrive and are taken to Parsons Paris. They enter to find a workroom with six tables. I don't know about you, but I'd be pissed to have flown however many hours it takes to get from New York to Paris only to be sent home.

Tim introduces Catherine Malandrino, their host judge. She has a very prominent accent. The designers do an abbreviated runway walk for her to judge how well their outfits traveled.

After the Catherine judges they bring everyone out for the final decision. Laura and Vincent are in. She says the winner was between Michael and Jeffrey. There is a slight pause and the winner is... Jeffrey. He interviews that it was validation to have won this challenge. He babbles some pseudo spiritual talk about god watching over him. Admittedly I've silently prayed in vain myself, so I understand where he's coming from, but let's face it, god has more pressing issues than you monsieur Jeffrey.

Michael and Uli are safe. Which leaves Candy Kayne and Angela.

Catherine tells Candy Kayne that he looks ridiculous and like a "fake pop star." She tells Angela "you look like you come from another world." With that Angela is given the Auf Wiedersehen. She is asked to gather her things and leave.

Jeffrey is elated that Angela is gone. He thinks she's more skilled at using a glue gun than designing clothes. She waves to everyone and leaves. Even though I referred to her as Debra Messing's other sister, I have to admit I am sad to see her go. She's like the girl you picked on in high-school but feel wrong for having done so once you mature.