we.could.be.heroes

Have you ever been around a person and thought, who do they look like? I helped a woman pick out a lamp for her son today all the while thinking this.

It occured to me shortly after I began talking to her that she looked like the cheerleaders adoptive mother on Heroes. I wanted to ask her so many questions. When she felt the series jumped the shark, who or what is the voice of Shankar and where the hell is Mr. Muggles?

if.life.gives.you.lemons

This morning I popped into the grocery store to purchase a bottle of Smart Water. I really don't think the electrolytes do anything for me, but damn if I'm not a sucker for its sleek design.

As I only had the bottle of water I headed to the self-checkout lane. Standing in front of me was a man who was tilting a bottle of Simply Lemonade upside down and then right side up. I assumed at first that he was getting ready to checkout too, but soon realized he was all crazy. He continued to do this with the bottle until it began to leak on the floor.

I moved to the next lane over as a large black woman (employed by the store) came over and asked this man to please stop. He replied "stop what?". She didn't like this response and turned to her co-worker and asked her to call security.

While this was happening, a woman in front of me (I had moved to a cashier operated lane) piped up, "if I were you I'd call the police". I was beginning to get uncomfortable quickly as she continued loudly. "I have to buy for two" she continued. I glanced at the items she had placed on the belt. Smoked salmon on one side separated with by a roll of pink toilet paper, a can of cat food and two single serve sized bottles of Sutter Home White Zinfandel (also pink).

Instinctively I thought, oh shit, here we go. By this time, I don't know where the man went, I was too absorbed in the ranting of the crazy in front of me, I mean all of her food was pink. She was saying that the man who had been spilling his Lemonade on the floor obviously had a defective bottle and why couldn't anyone else see that and that this grocery store was a corporation and they probably have deep pockets and could afford to be sued.

The cashier finished ringing up the woman who then moved to the front of the store and continued rambling. At this point I was able to turn her off, purchase my bottle of water and exit, grateful that today was not my day to be holding the Lemonade.

sexy.is.as.sexy.does

I still remember my mother's hairstylist saying "trust me, it will be a loose curl" I was a senior in High School, it was 1988 and the end result was Kirk Cameron. What I'm talking about kiddos is a perm. Something I believe has waned in fashion as I don't see any of the beauty school dropouts from the School of Cosmetology above where I work wearing or on their lifeless Barbie hair heads.

Suffice to say my friend Ally sent me this fun Lil' blog with images of presumably hot looks from the past. Enjoy!

crimes.of.fashion

Mini Trend alert!

Yesterday afternoon my memory was jogged when I saw two guys walking past the store I work at wearing pajama pants. Working with the public I am amused daily by the things people choose to wear outside of the privacy of their homes.

Whether it was the waxing moon a couple of weekends ago, I cannot be certain, but one thing I am sure of is that this was the first time I began seeing pajama pants worn in public. Wally, Ally aka renowned Barista and clairvoyant Holliday Mantis ventured out to the Glenwood Lounge, a hip little hangout near the Heartland Café where our friend Rick tends bar.

Shortly after our arrival a scrappy hipster came in and sat down at the bar. Mind you we had drank a few beers, but my eagle eye was still sharp and it zeroed in on his plaid flannel pajama pants. I had to restrain myself from staring, which I am more likely to do after having a beer.

Maybe it’s the critic in me -- the fashion evolution has obviously moved away from suits and ties at the workplace, but since when did pajamas become acceptable to wear in public? Although I am considering getting a pair of Croc’s. They’ll go nicely with my collection of comfortable footwear, which Wally prefers to call Lesbian shoes.

fueled.up

What to do when you’ve become jaded by visiting cities such as San Francisco and Minneapolis that embrace green practices including city-wide recycling bins that have sort glass, paper, aluminum et al?

Having used up the remainder of the petite green propane canister for our mini grill a couple of days ago, I gathered up two of them to take with me to my trip to the local hardware shop where I purchase them.

When I entered said hardware shop on my lunch break this afternoon I was greeted by an androgynous woman. I immediately thought looks like a man talks like a lady- there must be some sort of creative concept there, but I’m lost on it at the moment. Maybe she stirred my unconscious into thinking of the Secret Anti-Perspirant slogan "Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Woman".

Anyhow, she took me back to where the canisters were and as I was getting ready to unsheath the used ones from my cloth satchel, I asked if they recycled them. (A wee side note here is that this hardware shop is in Andersonville, one of the most eco-friendly hoods in Chicagoland.) I purchased biodegradable garbage bags from this shop, so I assumed they would recycle these tiny tanks too.

The androgynous wonder told me I could just throw them away. I purchased the propane and called Wally as I exited the store. Somehow this didn’t feel right, that and the fact that I saw an amazing stone bust of Zeus in the front window of an Interiors shop on the Clark Street strip. "That would look fantastic in our home" I told him, followed by "maybe we can get it cheap if they go out of business".

Shortly thereafter I was just distracted by an elderly woman across the street wearing a teal blue faux fur crop jacket and hot pink Crocs. "It must take a strong woman to wear an outfit like that", replied my co-worker Brad.

Yes, I agreed -- A strong woman indeed.

brit.bit

One of my many resolutions for the new year is to be less judgmental- which is hard for me being that I have an eagle eye for detail, which I refer to as constructive criticism and that my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
test is anchored by a strong "J" for judging component. Not the Lady J which is a funnel shaped device women can use to urinate like a man in the woods.

Try as I may, I am not immune to the glut of celebrity gossip I happen upon when reading the pages of The Week magazine's People and it's Gossip column- this is why magazines like Domino and Cottage Living have ceased existing and magazines like People and Us sustain a healthy diet - we are a nation of Haves and Have-Nots.

Regardless, I'm a firm believer that unfavorable or negative press when applied to a celebrity can often times be thinly veiled as a ploy to increase exposure. I can think of three from this past week alone. Joaquin Phoenix and his rumored retirement from acting, Chestica Simpson's weight gain (Jenny Craig are you paying attention to your candidates audition?) and media darling Britney Spears.

I have to admit I read a review of her latest aural opus Circus. One of the tracks is titled ''If You Seek Amy''. There was even mention of this song in the most recent issue of The Week. I'm so dense I couldn't figure out what the hullabaloo was all about until Wally had me phonetically sound it out. Eff-you-see-kay-me indeed!