An Empty Cart

The politics are still dancing in Lakeview. Almost a year after Dominick's supermarket burned down, the question as to whether or not the grocery store will return to the empty lot still lingers. I remember taking the bus home from work that day and wondering what that cloud of smoke was. A walk down to the site this afternoon also revealed that The Pleasure Chest was closing its Chicago location. I can only speculate as to whether or not the parking garage it is attached to may be slated for demolition in favor of condominiums.

A walk in Andersonville on Sunday night proved to me that Lakeview may have the most gay bars but the lack of diversity in restaurants and shops alone have signaled the transformation is happening there. Honestly if one more nail bar opens its doors I'm going to scream- not that I don't like a good mani/pedi every now and again. I am grateful that Ping Pong will soon be expanded and that the owners sister restaurant Wakamono is a welcome addition to the neighborhoods landscape.

Dominick's, which is now owned by Safeway, does not own the property. It is owned by a descendant of the chain's founder, and the two sides have been negotiating over terms of a return. According to Alderman Tom Tunney, money has played a major role as real estate prices continue to increase.

Now with Wings!

What would Memorial Day weekend be without the advent of summer movie releases?

After much coaxing, my roommate Stephen convinced me to go and see X-Men 3: The Last stand. Typically this would not
be my first choice, but If you take it as big screen entertainment and have no comic book frame of reference you'll certainly enjoy yourself. The theater was literally tittering with geeked out fans who had been eagerly awaiting its release and there was much buzz about a hidden clip at the end of the credits (unfortunately I did not stay for this).

Essentially the plot outline deals with a pharmaceutical company that has developed a cure for the mutant gene with the assistance of a "found" mutant that bears an odd resemblance to Jennifer Connelly circa Labyrinth with her head shaved. This character carries an anti-mutant gene in his blood. Picking up where the other two films left off, mutants and human relationships are still strained. The government offers this cure to mutants but the dual side of this of course is that they aren't really offering it so much as they plan a mutant genocide.

The idea being proposed here, one of seemingly voluntary conversion is multi-faceted. Who hasn't thought of what it might be like to be something they're not. I'll leave that one open to interpretation, but this does recall for me a very powerful scene of a young boy who has locked himself in the bathroom and is attempting to remove his flaw. (cutting his wings off) We later see his father using him as a test subject for this vaccine.

I count myself blessed that I do not have parents or friends who ask anything other than for me to be me. It makes me sad to consider those who are not as lucky feeling shame or worse yet having to repress what I feel is inherently genetic and natural, but I digress.

Overall the story was good. The dialog lacked a fine tuned screen writer, but then again as I've said this is summer movie mind fare and it delivers on that level.

I guess I'll just have to wait to see Superman Returns so I can discuss his supposedly controversial bulge.

Shiloh & Stitch

What happens when the two most beautiful people in the world, at least according to People magazine, have a baby? Well for starters you have it someplace exotic, say Namibia. Then you name it something odd, hmm, how about Shiloh Nouvel? In addition to these elements throw in dual citizenship.

Shiloh, whose name means “the peaceful one” in Hebrew, was born on Saturday night in The Cottage Hospital in Swakopmund and will be offered Namibian citizenship.

Meanwhile Jolie is expected to remain in the hospital for a couple days before returning to the seaside retreat where she and Pitt have been since before the birth.

According to gossip columns the new baby has an extremely large mouth, dark hair and her father’s nose.

Jolie already has two adopted children, Maddox, four and Zahara, one. Their surnames were legally changed to Jolie-Pitt after the actor announced he planned to co-adopt them.

Piss Train

Oh yes, I've mentioned my love for public transportation before. I do not regret selling my car in order to be more green or for that matter saving on gas and insurance or having to deal with finding a parking space after an already long day at work. That is until I ride the Red Line home and some crazy decides to relieve themselves leaving a cascading puddle of urine under foot.

I tried to convince myself that this was not what it was, that someone had spilled a beverage. Perhaps Squirt or Mountain Dew, but no, it was what it was. I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been number two. Hmm. Stayed tuned.

Tina Turner

I will probably burn in some sort of gay hell for saying this and lord knows, I hope I look as good as her when I'm pushing 60, but Tina Turner looks like a drag queen on the cover of her album Private Dancer. I simply love the use of the black cat with a diamond choker. lol. I guess the 80's were still trying to define themselves from the 70's.

I find it quite interesting to note too that it was not until Capitol Records found success with the UK release of the single 'Let's Stay Together' that this album was released stateside. It was originally thought that she was washed up in America.

I remember having this cassette and listening to it endlessly on my cassette Walkman which I am certain was not a Sony as those were quite expensive back in the day. I recall later discussing this with my friend Tim who shared a passion for music though he grew up lip synching to Donna Summer in his basement and I ABBA. He introduced me to groups like Heaven 17 who helped launch Tina's solo career by producing and providing backing vocals on her debut hit 'Let's Stay Together'.

The Second Date

Life is full of surprises. Monday evening found me happily leaving work as it had been a good day and I was about to enjoy the next couple of days off in addition to having had a long weekend off. The planets were aligned, the scheduling gods were good. My timing must have been right, which is pretty rare for us Libras.

We're the ones with the truly obscure horoscopes that have nothing to do with love, but are all about emotion and career concerns, which I suppose have some truth to them, but c'mon now throw us a bone it's spring.

I was chatting with my friend Kathy about my trip to Minneapolis when my mobile made a beeping noise to let me know there was another caller trying to get through. Much to my pleasant surprise it was John. The guy I referred to in a previous entry, but did not provide a name as I have this fear that if I identify something or categorize it too soon that I will surely sabotage it in one way or another. The power of positive thinking right?

He was in the hood and wanted to get something to eat. He also being of the Libra persuasion. We could not decide on where to eat, so I suggested Cozy Noodles and Rice over Joy's Noodle House. Now, I know you're probably thinking just pick a Noodle House. Well, I did and it was Cozy Noodles. I'm pretty certain I like this place more due to it's happenstance decor of vintage toys and rehabbed sewing machine tables, or possibly the miniature basin basket that the check is served in.

Dinner was an exchange of lively conversation between family relations, personal beliefs and shared experiences. In a nutshell, a good time was had by all.

We left and headed back towards my apartment. We decided to get a cocktail or dessert after dinner, but since there really is no place in Lakeview for a proper dessert in my opinion, we opted for a drink at Mini Bar.

Here we connected on several different areas where I essentially thought I was alone. He made mention that he truly wanted to get to know someone before making that leap into the unknown. So many of us are guilty of the relationship in an instant only to discover that it may have been better to be friends. I will say this though and hopefully will not end up eating my words, but this guy has something really special and I am enjoying getting to know him.

He also mentioned that he likes to cuddle, which incidentally I do too, but often times feel I am perceived as a freak show by others because the general consensus has been a level of sexual compatibility.

I brought up the fact that I felt kissing was far more intimate than sex itself and that frankly there should be a fair amount of sexual tension before the actual act transpires. This of course was aided by our bar tender who did a shot of Tequila with us. I should have stopped there, but of course I was to use John's term in Betty Ford mode. That would be two drinks plus. I'm a lightweight and a cheap date.

Not to bore you, but we did end up going back to his place and spent a lovely evening together. It felt amazing to sleep next to someone and for me, not just anyone, but him. I was grateful for the simple fact that he was able to let down his wall and let me in as when you get to a point where he and I are in life- you have reservation with reason to back it up. Now if only I could find the perfect grapefruit scented candle I would be all set.

Tilt a Whirl

I have been totally neglectful of sitting down and documenting my weekend trip to the twin cities. Now whether or not I saw or could even identify Minneapolis as it is I cannot say. I can say that my fears of cold were only part true, but it hasn't been that temperate here in Chicago either until today.

I flew to Minneapolis on Friday after work and I will say this, I love the short flight. You literally get into the plane, get a refreshment, a small bag of sodium carbohydrate in the form of mini pretzels and before you know it you are landing.

My friends Todd and Jeffrey picked me up at the airport and took me back to Todd's place which is in the The Lofts at International Market Square. IMS was built in 1915 as the headquarters for Munsingwear, Inc., a Minneapolis-based garment designer and manufacturer. For many years Munsingwear was made famous for its union suits, and was said to be the originator of the classic golf shirt with the Penguin logo.

Todd's condo is beautiful in my opinion, but this could also be because I feel that he has similar design sensibilities to mine. They also have the sweetest feline, Mr. B. who became fast friends with me. I think it is because I am part lesbian, although I equally love dogs too, a fortunate trait I inherited from my father.

His building is also home to several design trade only showrooms which surround a covered atrium space. This space is frequently rented out for events and this weekend was no exception. There was a prom and it was quite entertaining to watch from above. You could see the cool kids, the fat girls without dates and the fringe types. Of course there was the one boy that was spasmodically engaged, the likes of whom imagined that he was a great dancer, but was truly creating a
small circle of distance around himself as those who were in close range were concerned for their safety.

Not long after observing this, we decided to head out into the Minneapolis nightlife. I was taken to a bar called The Saloon, where Jeffrey and Todd met. The bouncer at the front door compared it to Roscoe's. It was a sprawling establishment with a large dance floor, bar and smoking patio. Not long after being there, Jeffrey and I were approached by a hot mess who claimed he was visiting from Milan. Clearly seeing that I was in distress, Jeffrey called him on this by saying that he thought this guy had told this same story before. Hot mess from Milan did not like hearing this and made a b-line for some other poor soul in a dark corner.

We danced to a techno version of the theme from Brokeback Mountain which was just too gay for words and called it a night.

The next day the three of us got up and were trying to figure out what we were going to do. Jeffrey was meeting up with a friend and they were planting a tree in Jeffrey's back yard. Todd and I stayed back for a
bit and talked shop. He worked for the same employer as me a couple years back and we compared notes to our shared experience.

We headed over to Jeffrey's home which is in an adorable residential area. I'm not sure whether to call it a borough or suburb as it really didn't have that suburban feel to it. The homes were well kept and looked like they were out of a back lot Hollywood soundstage for a 40's movie. It had begun to drizzle at this point and my fear of cold was rearing it's ugly head.

Jeffrey and his friend Richard were planting a tree called a service berry, which we all found quite amusing. It turns out after doing a bit of research on this tree that it is a member of the rose family. Sometimes referred to as sarvisberry, a colloquial pronunciation of “service”, this tree is often attributed to the fact that its early blooms
signaled the arrival of the traveling preacher, who would hold the year’s first formal commemoration for those who had been unable to survive the winter. Why it always come back to religion, I'll never know, but an interesting backstory none the less.

We went and had lunch at this cute restaurant called Rix. I was excited to see that they had sweet potato fries on the menu. These remind me of growing up on the East Coast and going to "".

Our next stop was to visit their friend Terry who was part of an event called Art-A-Whirl. AAW is an open-studio and gallery tour of Northeast Minneapolis. More than 300 artists participate including potters, tile makers, painters, sculptors, musicians, photographers, glass blowers, printmakers, and textile designers. They showcase their art in warehouses, homes, storefronts and cafes.

Their friend Terry was showing his photography at the old Cream of Wheat factory, another loft conversion rehab known as the C|W Lofts. I quite liked his images and will probably purchase a couple.

After stopping there we went to a large industrial building that was hosting several different artists. Some of them were good and some were not so good. In any case, the lot of us had severe sensory overload after a few hours. We left and dropped Richard off and headed back to Todd's to rest up a bit before dinner.

We went to a fantastic restaurant called Masa. Masa is a contemporary and cosmopolitan restaurant featuring Mexican cuisine with strong regional authenticity. I had the pork shoulder which was steamed in a banana leaf and served with grilled pineapple. I am not a food snob, but I must say that I appreciated its haute presentation and atmosphere. A far cry from David Burke's Primehouse here in Chicago where the three of us had been a month earlier. But I digress.

With our bellies full, we left and went to the Minneapolis Eagle which also features an underground bar called Bolt. Bolt plays 80's music on Saturday night, but was surprisingly vacant, so we headed back up the stairs to watch the dancers in their ass-less leather chaps parade around the bar top. This was all being held court to porn video producer Chi-Chi La Rue who was spinning in the DJ booth. I suddenly felt like I was at the fictitious Titty-Twister bar from the movie "From Dusk Till Dawn" gone gay. The plot outline is two criminals and their hostages unknowingly seek temporary refuge in an establishment populated by vampires, with chaotic results.

This my friends is one of the reasons I do not go out, but I was in a different city so c'est la vie. I can't help it that I'm an uptight white boy.

This brings us to the third and final day of my short trip to the twin cities. We all slept in until 11am that day which felt really good.

Our final two destinations were the Walker Art Museum and the Mall of America. I could have spent hours in the art musuem bookstore. There were just so many beautiful books on architecture, photography and design. One of my favorites was a children's book called Chicken and Cat by Sara Varon. I bought a small pin by this artist to put on my backpack.

The museum was such a cool space and the art it held was displayed well. Plus they were serving my favorite coffee from Peet's, I just couldn't help but have a cup with lunch.

By the time we were done wandering the museum we took a quick stop at the Mall of America. Truly I have never seen anything like it. Well, I only saw a fraction of it and it is every bit as Guinness Book all you can shop as I had heard that it was. They have an amusement park of sorts in the section that we passed through and all I could visualize was the merry go round spinning wildly out of control and flinging the kids into Victoria's Secret which was adjacent to it. That of course is just the way my warped mind envisions things although I do not honestly wish harm to be done to anyone. Well, almost anyone, but certainly not small children.

They dropped me off at the airport and we said our goodbyes. Hopefully good memories were had by all and the two of them were not releasing a collective sigh of relief of my absence.

Late Night Confessions

I consider myself extremely lucky for having the health that I do, or should I say whatever sanity I am able to maintain in a world of insanity due to the fact that I typically steer clear of the Happy Hour crowd.

I wouldn't necessarily classify it as maintaining damage control, more like generating good PR. You see, I am one of those types that has one drink and doesn't stop there. I just treat it like I would a glass of water. I don't know what sipping is.

I went to dinner with my friend Adam on Tuesday night because I was feeling spontaneous. I had a coffee date earlier in the day and without bursting my own bubble will say that he shows promise and leave it at that. If more develops on that front I'll keep you posted and you can say that you heard it first here. lol.

In a nutshell, Adam and I finished off a bottle of wine between the two of us during dinner, which was pretty much rice and chicken. We were both feeling pretty good as the conversation was lively and our blood had been replaced with Pinot Grigio. It didn't take long for us to decide that it might be fun to go have a drink at Mini Bar. He started a new job, I had a coffee date, so we both concurred this was reason enough to celebrate. After trying their tequila flight, I was done.

I began texting our mutual friend Ian in NYC, who was ironically out doing the same thing as us. I suddenly felt very sad indeed.

I'm getting ready for a trip to Minneapolis to visit my friends Todd and Jeffrey and of course I am in the midst of doing too many things at once. It's as if my whole ability to plan has been thrown out the window as I used all that energy up at work today trying to conceal the fact that I had not gotten enough sleep. I even went out in the hall and ran into my next door neighbors without realizing that I had remnants of dinner on my face. I was so hungry after I made it that I literally couldn't get it into my mouth fast enough.

Thankfully this is not a frequent occurrence with me and it serves as a gentle reminder that I am getting older and with this comes a certain sense of responsibility to your internal clock.

May Music

Described as bedroom electronica, Myles MacInnes, otherwise known as Mylo recorded this album entirely at home with relatively basic computer software.

Taking cues from and literally cutting and pasting snippets of vocals and beats from acid house to ambient techno and downtempo trip-hop this album has a fresh and fun sound.

The first time I heard 'Drop the Pressure' which utilizes Miami Sound Machines 'Dr. Beat' with some naughy words added for good measure, I laughed out loud.

One of the albums highlights is 'In My Arms' which is a mashup of Kim Carnes 'Bette Davis Eyes' and Reel Lifes 'Waiting for a Star to Fall'. He's also done some great remix tracks for artists like Sia, The Killers and Moby.

It could also be my recent craving for the 80's sound resurgence as sonically that was in my opinion a great time of musical experimentation that brought us such artists as Depeche Mode, The Cure and New Order.

For other artists on my sonic radar check out my May music recommendations below.

1. Make Up Sex: Clear Static
2. Androgyny: Garbage
3. Dakota: Stereophonics
4. Crash and Burn Girl: Robyn
5. Since You're Gone: Sono
6. Don't Stop the Dance: BiTer mc & Elena Deluca
7. Diamente: Blue States
8. Gloom: Seelenluft
9. We've Been Had: The Walkmen
10. Lightning Strikes Twice: Saint Etienne
11. Close Enough (Noel SangerRadio Edit): Keo Nozari
12. I Drive Alone: Esthero
13. Twist: Goldfrapp
14. Shine: Cinérex
15. Poster of a Girl: Metric
16. Don't Falter: Mint Royale

God Help Us

Not to be one-upped by the recent birth of Suri Cruise-Holmes or Grier Hammond Henchy-Sheilds, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are determined to enter your life in other ways. I wonder if their child will have the last name of Jolie-Pitt-Namibia?

First there was the overture of the 60-page pictorial in the July 2005 issue of W invisioned by one of my favorite photographers Steven Klein. The images depict a fictional 1960s marriage on the verge of collapse.

Anyhow, the lovebirds are plotting, um I mean nesting comfortably in the arms of mother Africa. To thank her for her hospitality, they are bringing African designed homeware products to the retail market. These soft goods will be debuting at an art fair in Paris in September.The couple are working with local craftsmen in Namibia to create an assortment of rugs, pottery and other household items.

A source revealed: "It combines their two passions. Brad's involved with design and Angelina is committed to humanitarian work." I guess by humanitarian they are referring to Jolie's expertise as a homewrecker?

Gotta' Go Right Now

You've probably seen the commercials on TV with people who "gotta' go right now" springing up during awkward social moments to dash to the restroom. Well that was me last Tuesday afternoon.

I don't know if I had too much coffee, water or if it's just a sign of getting older, but my bladder just ain't what it used to be. My family once called me the camel as we would go on day trips and I could walk around all day and not go once. I'm not saying that was a good thing and looking back on this, it was probably because I wasn't drinking enough liquid at the time.

I had some errands to run and wasn't doing the pee, pee dance or anything like that, but sometime shortly after my sojourn to Club Monaco on Halsted I began to feel my bladder saying release.

I figured between there and my next destination a Starbucks would be available and I could just duck into there and use their bathroom. I was in Lincoln Park after all, where there's a Starbucks within a stone's throw.

As you can probably surmise, I didn't make it that far. Without much warning my bladder told my brain, "either you wet your pants, or find somewhere to go". Thankfully, I was near the 'L' and there was a port o johnny under the tracks which I quickly ducked into and relieved myself.

If You're Gonna Ride

Don't ride the white horse. Which is exactly what Madonna has set out to do.

I am a hypocrite as I wrote in a previous entry that it is sad that some musical artists have lost their edge and do crazy things to keep in the spotlight.

Well, I have to bite my tongue as my jaw dropped when I saw a preview of the new spread for the June issue of W magazine. When Madonna forges a successful relationship, let's just say that she has with photographer Steven Klein as is evident in this new pictorial.

The 47 year old entertainer looks flawless and I might even admit that I'm a bit blue not to be going to the Confessions Tour. But, I've got to draw the line somewhere right. I mean I'm certain my monetary devotion over the years has at least bought Lourdes
some nice clothes. lol.

The Ladyshave

You will not find me taking a razor to my privates under any circumstances. In fact it has always been my due diligence to share the advice a friend of mine gave me many years ago. He had used Magic Shave on his privates with miraculous results. This shaving powder can be found in most drug stores. The downside is that it smells terrible, but let me tell you, your testicles will look like that of a little baby afterward.

For those who are not as adventurous, Philips has unveiled it's Bodygroom system exclusively for men. It provides safe, irritation-free trimming and shaving, even in more sensitive areas. It comes complete with an *ahem* educational video.

Never Been Kissed

The season finale of 8th & Ocean was simply fabulous. Seeing Irene Marie in a track suit was worth it alone. I cannot wait for next season to begin. Such mindless reality television , dramatic relationships and remarkably stupid individuals in the form of mimbo Vinci, who is surprisingly scant during this episode. As a special treat, this all you can eat drama buffet ended with some good old sibling rivalry via Sabrina and Kelly.

The episode begins with the girls talking about whether or not they've ever had to kiss someone as part of a shoot before. Britt says that had to straddle a boy and pretend that they were in bed, but never had to kiss someone before as that is not the good Christian way to be. lol.

Briana shares her kissing story by telling the girls that she did a shoot for 'Glamour' magazine where she kissed two boys only to find out later that the image was used for an article titled 'How to Win the War on STD's'. Hot. Not.

Heide and Teddy are at the beach. Teddy wants to make it clear to Heide that they are 'just friends'. I think this is because he knows that you can't play a player and Heide's hotness eclipses his. He tells her that he's not into a relationship with anyone, that he wants to spread the Teddy around, blah, blah, blah. Of course this is him simply following the male order of things, Teddy still wants Britt because nothing makes a boy crazier than what he can't have.

That night, the girls are having cocktails at the Models Apartment. Kelly and Sabrina tell the girls that they're shooting an Acuvue commercial together.

Later at a bar, the girls discuss who has the best features of the people they live with. Briana says that if she could take anything from anyone, it would be Talesha's rack. She also says that it's impossible for Sabrina to take a bad photograph. Interesting how a few episodes prior it looked like the writing was on the wall for poor Sabrina, but the modeling world is like that apparently. Ah, what vanity is youth.

Bi-polar Kelly reluctantly agrees, throwing an arm around her twin sister saying she's the skinniest person she knows. What is that supposed to mean?! I honestly think coming from Kelly it was some sort of twin mind-fuck game, because believe you and me Kelly is an evil saboteur.

The following day, Britt goes to a casting for a fragrance called 'Madly in Love.' The photographers want Britt to act all hootchie with some hot blonde guy named Tyler. Britt has no trouble getting down and dirty with him, but draws the line at kissing. After her soft-core session with Tyler she learns the photographers want her hootch out with one more guy. Of course this guy is someone she already knows- Teddy.

The photographers are glad to learn Britt and Teddy know each other, because they feel it's easier to turn it on it with someone you know. Little do they know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, let alone a girl of virtue from Kansas. The test is completely awkward and the photographers recognize this and dismiss the two after a few clicks.

Britt runs to Talesha to confess her sins, um I mean tests. Of course she'd get it on with Tyler, but not Teddy. Talesha laughs at this and says something like 'Teddy's Dreams Came True'. Of course Britt is scared that if Teddy gets cast that he will kiss her and there will be nothing she can do to stop it. After all there is a price for everything and you do not want to disappoint Irene Marie.

In the spirit of damage control, Britt goes to the agency the following day and tells Suzy that she just couldn't possibly do the shoot if it involved kissing. "I don't think you're going to be, like, tonguing some dude," Suzy says. To clarify Britt explains that she wouldn't feel comfortable kissing Teddy which further confuses Suzy. Britt says that since Teddy is so close to home she doesn't want to exacerbate an already awkward situation.

In perfectly logical order the next scene involves a conversation between Teddy and Sean. Teddy says Britt and Tyler looked really good together, but Britt was really awkward when she had to work with him. "Women are funny like that, man," Sean says. Sean tells Teddy he needs to let Britt know he's not with Heide any more. That way she can see him in a different light.

Cut to the twins arguing. They are en route to the Acuvue commercial shoot and they are running late. Kelly berates Sabrina for this because of course it's always her fault. During the ride to the shoot, Allee calls and tells them they'll be shooting both double and single shots. Once they arrive, the twins bat their eyes and apologize for their tardiness. While in hair and makeup Sabrina takes a call from the agency about a job with Dillard's, which she really wants. You can almost see a black cloud forming over Kelly's head as she hears this.

After several shots together, the client asks to see the Polaroids: "Let me see the Polaroids. It makes such a difference when you see the Polaroids." The client decides that Sabrina is the star of the shoot, and tells the photographer she wants to concentrate on her. The photographer then tells the twins it's time for some single shots, which prompts Kelly to tell Sabrina "I don't think you have a singles." Hello, Bitter party of one. The photographer tells Kelly she will be photographing Sabrina. During Sabrina's shoot, Kelly pouts and tries to use her death ray on her sister by having a silent tantrum.

Back at the agency, Suzy takes a call from Dillard's, they want to book Kelly over Sabrina for their next shoot, even though they had an option on Sabrina and not on Kelly. As Suzy says, Sabrina is going to freak out, since Kelly just took over her client. I think Kelly must have given someone a hummer to clinch the deal.

When Suzy calls to break the news, Kelly can't believe they want her and not Sabrina. Neither can Sabrina. Of course, Kelly can't help but rub it in and laugh at her twin. Because she will take any opportunity she can to play upon her sisters already fragile emotions.

Sabrina is truly upset, but Kelly brushes this off and turns the reverse psychology on Sabrina by saying that she should be happy for her. When Sabrina says that she's not and is beginning to wonder if she will have a solo career Kelly plays into this by saying 'maybe you won't.'

Later, while driving somewhere, Sabrina gets a phone call. She tells the mystery caller that she's supposed to have dinner with Kelly later, but on second thought, scratch dinner. She's sick of being with her sister. And then the camera swings over to reveal Kelly's sitting in the passenger seat. Bring it on bitches. Kelly tells Sabrina that she is the one being negative, not her. 'Leave me alone!' Sabrina yells back. 'I can be negative.' Kelly says she's just being a bitch right now. They continue airing their dirty laundry for a few more minutes finally agreeing that they're both sick of each other, and they need to spend some time apart. Ha. Irene Marie's evil plan is working.

Just when you think it can't get any better, the vacancy in the female models apartment left by Tracie, who you know is going to fail like Irene Cara's screen test in 'Fame' is revealed. The model is...Heide. Simply sublime if you ask me. Wow, it really is hard to be a model. lol.

Missing

One of my favorite bands has got to be Everything But The Girl. Although they have not released a studio album in the past few years, Ben has gone on to form his own music label Buzzin' Fly. Their sonic evolution from lefty student bossa nova interpreters to successful house to drum and bass was no small coincidence as their apty titled remix compilation "Adapt or Die" refers too. While it remains to be seen as to whether or not EBTG will release a new studio album in the near future, there was exciting news regarding Tracey's desire to re-emerge.

The following is from their official web site:

"Hey there everybody, just thought I'd break my silence as I finally have something to say! I know Ben's mentioned here and on his Buzzin' Fly site a couple of things I've been up to - here's the full story.

The track 'Damage' that I recorded with Tiefschwarz last year for their 'Eat Books' album is coming out as a single soon. Think the UK release date is May 15th. Remixes by M.A.N.D.Y. and Buick Project, all sounding great. That was the first track I'd written and sung since the Temperamental album in 2000. And it kind of got me started again. So I'm now working on a new solo album; solo in the sense that its not gonna be EBTG, but it's me collaborating with some other people. I'm doing tracks with Tom Gandey (aka Cagedbaby) and Ewan Pearson. Charles Webster's been helping out with a couple of arrangements. Got a few things finished/half-finished so far but been having to wait for Ewan to finish producing the new album by The Rapture. That's done now so we're due to finish off our tracks together in a couple of weeks. Looks like Virgin are gonna release my record, probably next Feb.

And in the meantime I've also written lyrics and recorded a vocal which might go on Justin Martin's album, due out on Buzzin' Fly at some point.

I'm gonna set up a MySpace page as soon as I get round to it (!) so that I can keep everyone up to date with the recording news etc, but I wanted to let you on the EBTG forum know first. Thanks for bothering to stay interested all this time while I've been on my long weekend. And just hope you like the new stuff when it finally sees the light of day ..."

Exciting news indeed in my opinion. I also find it interesting how MySpace has become this hot bed of emerging music artists. Maybe it's time for me to remove my friendster profile and move to MySpace. lol.

Kill Me Now

I just read that the live action version of the beloved children's classic Charlotte's Web has cast none other than Dakota Fanning as Fern and the voice of Charlotte as Julia Roberts. Is nothing sacred anymore?!
Don't get me wrong, I adore little Ms. Fanning, but isn't she nearing 13? It's like a Shirley Temple movie, once she passed the point of being a little girl it was just plain old creepy. I am sure it is not easy making the transition from child star to the major leagues.

Father knows best?

The Inflatable Doll aka. Jessica Simpson is in distress over ex-husband Nick Lacheys recent interviews regarding their marriage. To combat this, it would seem that throwing herself into recording her new album and launching a line of hair extensions can make everything better. Because Papa Joe knows that nothing says window of opportunity like a highly publicized divorce.

Damita No

I just listened to an interpretation of Debbie Debs "Lookout Weekend" by Janet Jackson. Her version is titled "Weekend".

I have to wonder if this is an attempt to one up Madonna's ABBA sample, by doing a full-on cover? It hurt my ears to listen to it. In my opinion Janet's vocals have never been strong to begin with, but producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis have known how to successfully create arrangements that compliment this . The beats and clapping on "Weekend" make it sound even weaker than it really is.

I love her homepage with all her pretty, pretty pictures on it and what is up with the line drawing logo of her hands-over-my-tits from the "Janet" cover. Didn't she learn enough from the backlash of her halftime exposure?

This song has been pulled from her site as Janet's message on her homepage says that "Weekend" is not her first single off of her new album, it was her "gift" to her fans. Hmm. Again, I think this was put out there as a sonic gage and it was pulled due to mixed reviews. It makes me sad because I am definitely a child of the 80's and remember when these artists were at the top of their game and weren't struggling to find a sound to keep them ahead of the curve. They were the curve.

None the less, I am pleased that "Get Together" is the next single off of "Confessions on a Dance Floor". Note to Madge, no more crotch shots in this video please, we all know you've got a vagina.

M is for Monkey Cake

Today as I was running on the treadmill Martha Stewart was making a cake. Not just any cake mind you, but a monkey cake.

I about fell off the treadmill. I love most things monkey and this cake was just too cute. I was so affected by it that I put of picture of it here for all to see.

If you'd like the recipe, you can search for monkey cake on marthastewart.com.

Little Wing

Yesterday afternoon I was coming down the escalator at work and a couple of my co-workers were crouched by a window that looks out onto one of the exterior balconies. On a table near the window was a small bat.

I thought at first it was dead and had flown into one of the windows and collapsed on the table after contact. It looked so small and fragile lying there. Let it be known that like my father, I am a bona fide animal lover. Me and my sister were often surprised by random cats or dogs throughout our childhood. They would somehow end up in our home under the pretense that they must have just wandered in.

Regardless of this, our cleaning lady must not be an animal lover. She went out on the balcony and pushed it off the table with a broom. I would have half enjoyed seeing it fly into her face for doing something I considered so cruel as I watched this helpless creature fall to the balcony floor.

It landed on its back and its little head moved from side to side.

A few minutes later it did the strangest thing. It literary crawled to a crevice in the balcony tile and wiggled its way into there. I assume to perish as I contacted one of my co-workers today to check on Little Wing and she said it was still there.

Janktify Yourself

I embrace our urban evolution in linguistics and since I cannot think of anything else to write about at the moment, I give you the word "jankey". This word is brought to you by Danielle from America's Next Top Model. She used it in application to the gap between her teeth that was standing in the way of her future with Covergirl.

Nobody stands in the way of Danielle and her Covergirl bitches.

For your vocabulary expansion pleasure, I present "jankey". This versatile word has several variations as well, so I invite you to use any of the following: jankface, janktified or my personal favorite janksta.

This adjective has a few definitions, but it essentially describes anything that is beyond repair, of dubious quality, or otherwise without quality.

Here is an example below provided by an Urban Dictionary contributor:

"Look at that jankey ass car ridin on 4 donuts, with trash bags all in the backseat windows n shit."

Keep in mind that Danielle would still be gap toothed if Tyra Banks wasn't covering the bill for her full set of Davinci Veneers. Now that shit sho is jankey.