Faces of Death Part Two

How could I forget to talk about this weeks episode of 8th&Ocean? It was an all you can eat drama buffet. I don't like having it in my personal life, but watching it happen to others is a guilty pleasure indeed. Does that make me a bad person?

Again the real star of this show is Madame Tussaud's version of Irene Marie, I mean Irene Marie.

There is a scene where Kelly stops by to discuss her decision to have her breasts augmented. Perhaps she rented the first season of "Nip/Tuck" and decided that trafficking drugs through her breasts as an alternate career move wasn't such a great idea.

Irene Marie has set up this procedure for Kelly, I am certain that she has her plastic surgeon on speed dial. Kelly tells Irene that she didn't expect it to be so soon, it's like a rush, but I don't want it to be a rush," she says. Irene says she must have misunderstood Kelly's intentions, because she thought she wanted to move beyond Skipper and become more Barbie.

Kelly's just not mentally ready yet and decides against it. "Sweetheart, it's in your hands," Irene tells her, "it's in nobody's hands but yours." Irene Marie's face is pulled back and taut with a high pony tail during this episode. If she was able to convey a facial expression, I imagine she would appear vexed. I mean doesn't everyone want to look as good as her?!

She agrees to cancel the operation. After Kelly leaves, Irene calls one of her minions, Suzy to cancel the operation. Shortly after which I believe she mutters something like "we don't know what we want, so we waste everybody's time." I'm not sure if she's referring to Kelly or herself at this point.

It's all too fabulous for words.

Overheard

While waiting in line at the Treasure Island Foods grocery store I overhead the girl behind me telling her boyfriend that she had the shakes and that signified what an alcoholic she was. I looked to see what she was purchasing which was a six-pack of Aranciata (a bitter orange Italian soda). I thought, hell at least girls got class for her mixers.

The Silence of the Sutan

The weekend is here and although I am grateful to have it off, I am a bit disappointed that it is gray and on the cool side. I plugged in my digital camera battery before going to bed so I could get out and take some snapshots today, but as always I get up with the intention of doing one thing and then end up doing another. I will put in in my backpack and should the opportunity arise for an interesting picture, I will have it with me.

It felt like this week was on fast-forward and I have not felt like my usual self. Hell, I didn't even watch America's Next Top Model until the following day and I skipped a day of my eating regimen only to realize how much sodium there is in processed foods. I am going to consume my body weight in water to flush it all out.

Speaking of ANTM, I am haunted by the appearance of Sutan, one of Tyra Banks makeup artists dressed as Tyra. Again, my apologies for no visual here, I did Google to see if I could find an image, but there was none to be found.

Anyhow, you may recall that I referred to Sutan as the role model for Felicity Huffman's Bree in "Transamerica". I seriously do not know what gender Sutan is. I think he's a very androgynous man.

During this weeks episode, he came out to greet the girls as his intepretation of Tyra. It was all to "The Silence of the Lambs" for me. Sutan in full drag with tattoo's on his arms and Tyra coming out and getting ghetto on his ass saying she was "Ty, Ty" or something like that.

When Tyra announced that the remaining girls were going to Thailand, chaos ensued and all the girls started jumping and squealing. Sutan aka faux Tyra did too, but he sounded like the guy from "The Silence of the Lambs".

I am certain there is a screen cap or something out there I can find and when I do, I will put it here.

Porn Stars...they're just like US!

I was out and about running errands this afternoon and headed over to Chipotle on Broadway for some lunch. I also wanted to see how the progress was coming along on the Lakeview Athletic Club.

It is incredible to me how the Lakeview neighborhood has transformed in such a short period of time. It really is becoming an extension on Lincoln Park, but I'm hoping it retains a few rough edges. That's what gives a neighborhood it's personality.

Anyhow, I was sitting in the front window finishing a burrito when Aaron G. aka Matt Cole walked into the restaurant. I so wanted to wait until he was sitting there eating his burrito, walk up to him and say, "Oh yeah baby, eat that burrito!"

Of course I didn't as I do have some couth, albeit not so much. I decided that it would be better played out like those tabloid US Weekly magazine pages which portray celebrities doing things that make us spectators embrace our mortal connection with them.

Pictures of Mary Kate Olsen with a Grande Latte and a cell phone with a dog on a leash- just like us! Except that they have more money than any of us. ha!

So of course I equated this moment of burrito contact to porn star mouth as an US moment. I didn't actually get to see him bite into it as I most likely would have gotten a case of the giggles as salsa and black bean sauce dribbled out of the corners of his mouth. Hmm, now that I think about that, the whole visual is kind of gross.

Dead Baby Blanket Set

I thought I had heard it all until a customer came in to return a crib blanket set from six years ago. The red flags were going off as she explained that she had spoken with a male associate but could not remember his name. She had no receipt and a search for record of purchase was not yielding any relevant information. She opened up the bedding to show me a mysterious dark colored spotting pattern on the quilt part of the bedding set and proceeded to tell me that she had never used this before. She was a bit antsy as she was parked in a loading zone she asked me if she could leave the bedding with me.

I told her I would research this and call her back as our current system archives three years prior and the previous system retains information going back six years. While searching for this, I found out that one of my colleagues had in fact spoken with her the night before and wasn't sure how to react when she said she wanted to return this bedding as her baby was dead. What!?

I couldn't find any record of her or her husband's last name in out system. It was getting weirder by the minute. I began to feel either like Nancy Drew or CSI, maybe a bit of both. Giving her the benefit of the doubt as I've heard the sick parent and dead grandparent explanation before, I called this customer. I explained that without a receipt we could only honor the lowest price that this crib set was reduced to.

She thanked me for researching this, never once mentioning to me that it involved a heinous reason for return. I told her that I would continue to look and if there were any other previous phone numbers, addresses or information she would like me to utilize I would try them too.

I'm sorry and may I burn in hell if I am wrong, but if that isn't true it is a really horrible way to get your way.

Snagggletooth Strikes Again

As I was booting up my computer this morning I could hardly believe my eyes. To the left of Apple startpage above iTunes Top Songs was an image of Jewel promoting the pre-release of her new album "Goodbye Alice In Wonderland". I thought hmm, snaggletooth has a new album coming out, let's go check out her website.

I love that her site says "The Official Web Site of Jewel- Singer, Songwriter, Poet, Artist." Wow...really?! Not only that, she's touring with Rob Thomas. Stop the friggin press, she likes NASCAR too! She is just so crazy like that.

As if that is not enough to start your own teeth from shifting a bit, she is also promoting The Healing Garden line of bath products which can be found in your finer drugstores next to Calgon. I guess her deal with The Gillette Company went south?

I think she should aim higher for products like Invisalign and get her teeth fixed. Maybe that's why they didn't add "Free with a Happy Meal" to the site description? At least she is smart enough to keep her mouth closed for her glamour shots.

CTA circle Jerk

I saw a placard in the "L" car this morning that referred to the proposed Chicago Transit Authority Circle Line Project.

The sign stated that public meetings will be held at different venues over the course of three days in May. The first is on Tuesday, May 2 at the Mexican Fine Arts Center Museum. The second is Wednesday, May 3 at Lincoln Park High School and the final meeting is in Room 1017 of the University of Illinois at Chicago Molecular Biology Research Building.

Because the randomness of locations piqued my interest and given the fact that the new "L" line is to be called the Pink Line, I thought I'd do a little research on the CTA Circle Line Project.

The above mentioned public meetings are designed to gather input on this project as part of what the CTA is calling an alternatives analysis study. Meaning that they are looking for ways to generate federal funding for transit projects of such scope.

The CTA website had the following to say:

"The Circle Line is an ambitious new proposal for linking all of CTA and Metra's existing rail lines in Chicago with a single new line that would encircle the city's growing central area. The Circle Line proposal is designed to provide convenient shortcuts for CTA and Metra customers making cross-town trips, while also improving access to the periphery of Chicago's central area. In addition, the Circle Line's improved connections between CTA and Metra would create efficient rail transit linkages between the city and the region."

"The Circle Line can be built in three discrete, practical phases with tangible benefits to CTA customers after each phase. Depending upon funding availability, all three phases could be completed over a 10 to 15-year period."

At the very top of this outline is an Editor's Note which is in red. I found it quite humorous and hope you will too. This is what it said:

"Please note that the plan presented below was published in 2002 and is highly conceptual in nature. Like many transportation proposals, it mentions corridors, locations, routes, and modes, but does so in the interest of suggesting options to be explored."

"As with all federally-funded projects, the CTA will undertake an extensive alternatives analysis process, including community and inter-governmental input, before deciding on a final plan. All alignments, routings, station locations, modes, and timetables discussed below are conceptual and subject to change from when the concept below was first released in
2002."

Curious...it's now 2006 and they're just getting around to this. It just goes to show how long something can take now doesn't it?

Uncanny Part Two

Is Michael Lutin from Vanity Fair reading me like a book? Once again this month I read my horoscope and it was pretty accurate. Even my co-worker Deb gave me that knowing look.

For those of you who know me, read it and weep, tis true, tis true:

Libra

There’s trouble brewing between your 11th and 5th houses now. That could suggest problems with stepchildren, but more likely it’s a conflict between your need for intimacy and your desire to keep your options open, your commitments short-term, and your life your own. When Pluto goes direct in the 3rd house, genuinely honest communication is hard for Libras. You can blast the lady at the bank or tell off the cable guy, but saying what’s on your mind to the people you’re scared of losing is a different story.

I think I'll have to hire this guy as my life coach. Please put any spare change in a coffee can and send it to me. ha! ha!

Faces of Death

One moment on Tuesday night's 8th & Ocean seals it for me. Did you see Irene Marie's face at that restaurant when she was trying to laugh and smile? Her face wouldn't even move! Too much plastic surgery and botox!

I love it. I want to be Irene Marie.

It'll Grow Back

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I was so excited because my hair was getting somewhat unruly for me. It grows up and out like a bush until it finally gets to the point where I can only manipulate it so much with product.

Now I know my father would love my new haircut, but all I can say right now is what the fuck! I have always trusted the guy cutting my hair, but lately I haven't been so crazy about his cuts. It makes me bonkers because it's not as though you're going to the barber for a shave and a haircut. Which is to imply that I think he got lost some where with what he was doing yesterday and just kept cutting.

I feel like Natalie Portman in "V for Vendetta". I was getting a bit attached to the length I had on top and even asked him to be tight on the sides with texture and length on the top. Now all I can do is wait for it to grow back out and consider a new salon or have a heart to heart with him. Which is what us Librans despise more than life itself- confrontation. I consider myself a modified Libra because I've had to force myself to look confrontation in the eye and overcome it.

On the bright side I will save on hair product taht has been extracted from the bark of the rinku rinku tree and costs $15 an ounce.

Suri with the fringe on top

It truly is a sign of the pending Apocalypse. I vowed I would not write about this, but how can I pass up the fact that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have had a baby?

To top it off they named her Suri. The origin of this name is either Hebrew or Persian according to sources. Does that jibe with the Church of Scientology? It makes me want to hum a few bars of Cat Stevens "Peace Train". Look what happened to him. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

According to Scientology rules, parents are supposed to supplement a formula of barley water mixed with homogenized milk and corn syrup in place of mother's breast milk or store bought formulas. They also feel that naturally breast feeding a baby is Freudian and nostalgic- a poor choice as the life choices of a modern mother can negatively affect their children.

I wonder what poor Brooke Shields makes of all this? Her baby girl Grier was born on the same day. At the very least I am sure there will not be any joint birthday parties going on between them.

Not to be outdone, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are cosidering having their baby in Africa and giving the child a Nambian name.

Invitation

After years of belonging to the Friendster site (an online social network)I've been asked to joing a group. Somehow I don't want to belong to a group called "SuPeRFLaWLEsS: BoYz EaT BoYz".

Wrong. It's all wrong.

7553

The bus home today smelled like feet. My keen olfactory senses were trying to locate the origin of this, while contemplating which stop to get off at. I was uncertain how long I could endure it as it seemed to be getting more potent the closer we got to my exit destination of Belmont and Lake Shore.

I thought for a moment that maybe it was coming from the hyper queen a few seats in front of me. His demeanor was certainly rank enough. I caught a few words that he squealed out, "lesion', "spread-eagle", "bath house" all followed by a cackle. Did I mention that he also was sporting a red Kabbalah bracelet. Becky no! This made me quake in my boots to think about my employer's desire to give us all a Myers & Briggs test. They will surely see that I am not as nice as I pretend to be. ha! ha!

I was relieved to exit the bus and step out into the sun dappled early evening. This kind of light casts a soft wash over everything. I found myself walking home and wishing I had brought my camera with me to capture such a moment as this.

The beauty of a spring day is that no one day is a duplicate of the last. Although that could be said of any day I suppose, I think you notice them more at first. Trees that have flowers on them, tulips and hyacinths and the scent of green. It makes me miss living in Rochester New York and heading out to Highland Park for their Lilac Festival in May. When it's a good year there, multitudes of lilac tress are in bloom and the smell is almost intoxicating.

Ironically it is also one of the few times of the year that families go to this park as it is an unofficial cruising ground for predatory men searching out the company of other men.

In my naivete I would have not believed this to be true and it may not be any longer, but when I lived there it certainly was. Once the spring and summer months hit, you could drive through one part of the park and see cars parked back to back. Some of them were empty, while others had a driver looking out into the night and hoping you might stop and follow them into the dark foliage.

Tres chic boutique redux

Saturday night I met my friend Todd and his beau Jeffrey over at the recently opened Primehouse Steakhouse at the James Hotel. I was excited to be going there as I thought maybe it would have the vibe of an exclusive space that only these types of places deliver.

The hostess originally sat the three of us in an more than ample banquette facing the street. Jeffrey later commented that he thought possibly his could have been because we were three attractive men. Which was true and people are drawn to beauty right?

The banquette was humorous as it wasn't designed for a small group and the view from the window was of a green Marshalls awning, which brought the vibe down a lot. Some type of window treatment to obscure his would not have been a bad thing.

I don't know if the restaurant space is not complete yet as there was a wall of bamboo trees against the far wall which did compliment the golden hued rice paper adorning the walls. Unfortunately the rest of the space was stark. This was not a minimalist kind of stark mind you,
but the kind of generic feel that accompanies the multitude of conference rooms that larger hotels have and outfit with chairs and tables for wedding parties or corporate events. The room's low ceiling, somewhat unsubtle lighting was a contributing factor too.

The food and the company were quite good. Although I was a bit surprised by their rather underwhelming dessert menu. A cheesecake lollipop tree, donuts or a plate of warm cookies? I came to eat a steak, not have a story read to me and a nap on a mat afterward.

Primehouse’s claim to fame is prime beef that is dry aged in their own “salt caves” located in the basement of the hotel.Our server was attentive and polite and when we left, the manager and hostess asked if we had enjoyed our meal.

I certainly don't mean to be a snob, but I think I was expecting a bit more atmosphere other than red leather table covers. They have only been open few weeks so certainly there is room for improvement.

Seemingly Sleepy

I so wanted to go to bed early tonight. I haven't really slept well the past couple of nights as Mother Nature has been having hot flashes. It was so moist when I left this morning that I could easily imagine what it would be like to be a fetus again, the humidity was containing everything.

After some deliberation yesterday evening, I put the air conditioning on as it was just too hot to sleep and I get grouchy without sleep.

I used to believe that sleep was something I did very well, but then life crept in and thus with it my overactive mind, which I've managed to tame in a major way, but sometimes it gets unruly and unleashes itself in some bizarre format in a dream leaving me feeling like a sloth.

Last night I woke at 3:50 am. I remember this because I reached over to check the alarm clock that was next to my bed and that's what it read. The downstairs tenant was having an impromptu electric guitar session. If going downstairs and knocking on their door would have got their attention, I would have done this, but previous attempts to end loudness at pre-dawn have been futile.

Focused and determined I fired up the computer and sent an email to the buildings management company. This is what it said:

Hello Caree,

I am writing you to let you know that the residents in the apartment below Stephen and I have continued to disregard noise ordinances. It is 3:50 am this morning and I've attempted to block out electric guitar playing by putting in a pair of earplugs and turning on the air conditioning as this sometimes helps reduce the sound coming through the floor.

I understand that there is not much that can be done regarding this during daytime hours, but surely playing loud music or electric guitar at 3:50 in the morning is not acceptable. This has happened a few times in the past weeks and is affecting
my sleep pattern which result in me being tired the next day at work.

Can you please help me with this as I feel the only way that this will be given attention by them is if they receive some sort of note from your offices.

Thank you,

Chris

I called their offices during the afternoon and was told she had left for the day. I had not heard a response via email and I was not going to let this one slide. I asked if their was anyone else there who could do something about my complaint. I was told that Caree was the only person who could resolve this.

I was in a funk.

Thankfully a family came to visit the store and they had the most remarkable little girl. She was only nine months old, but she was the sweetest little thing. I paused as I thought, surely this child can read me like a book. I was grouchy, plain and simple. She just smiled and made little noises. Her mother even commented that she was flirting with me. I wanted to state the obvious, which was that she was barking up the wrong tree, but I thought better. This little person saw the good in me even though I was frustrated and couldn't see it myself at this point.

After this family left, my day went a whole lot better and I even chuckled when a customer who I assisted later in the day commented on one of my co-workers as being surly. It was so appropriate that I began to believe I was Cinderella.

I did receive a response to my email too. It said:

Hi Chris

I am super busy today which is why I couldn't take your call.

I will send him a letter and call him. They are supposed to be moving out anyways but I just don't know when.

Caree

Hot damn! They're moving out. Hopefully the next person to move in there will be as quiet as the one before. I need my beauty sleep, how else do you think I stay so well preserved?

For Your Eyes Only

The news story of an exotic fungal infection transmitted through a contact lens solution caught my eye in more ways than one. Thankfully I have never had a sty, nor have I had pink eye, which one of my co-workers recently did. How he contracted it made me wonder if semen in the eye does burn. I really don't care to find out.

In some ways I should be patient x. The one writing this story and telling Bausch & Lomb that they caused me harm. I find the Midwest to be extremely dry and because of this my eyes can feel like they have two Shrinky Dinks plastic stuck to my corneas.

It also reminds me of when I was growing up and my sister told me that there was a man who lived in the fields by the railroad track who came out of hiding and gave his victims pink eye. I'm not sure if this was some type of urban legend, but none the less I believed it. I must have been all of seven years old.

Predisposed to an already overactive imagination, I could easily conceive a man living by the railroad tracks with pink eyes. That's what I thought they were alluding to.

So it came as no surprise that Baush & Lomb's ReNu with MoistureLoc, my solution of choice has come under some scrutiny by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 109 cases of a fungal infection known as Fusarium have been documented with connection to this solution.

Fusarium is commonly found in plant material and soil in tropical and subtropical regions. It made me reflect on a past experience that had me hospitalized for a liver abscess a few years back.

The question the doctors continually asked me was if I had traveled abroad or come in contact with farm animals. The question seemed so random that it made me want to reply , "why yes doctor, I was feeding a herd of wild goats yesterday and one bit me, should I be alarmed?" I mean c'mon now. Contact with farm animals?

From what I can see, which isn't much if I take my contacts out, it sounds like these are isolated cases. Quite possibly the work of some disgruntled employee who has tampered with some of their shipments. Which undoubtedly is a scary thing. Some things you just don't want to think about especially when the manufacturing company has warned that it is unable to
gage whether the product is linked to a serious eye infection.

Object of My Distraction

A friend of mine recently commented on my penchant or should I say tendency to review the pop culture forum. Sadly I am a sucker for this and probably commit way to much brain usage to this, but it also allows me to be quite observant regarding the world around me.

I've used this to get me around a new city by recalling buildings or businesses that are there. Over time I do know the street names, but I always begin with the lay of the land if you will.

Yesterday my parents and I decided to go downtown. The destination was originally to take them to Marshall Fields on state Street as it is soon to become obsolete. Macy's acquired Fields and has plans to convert the department store into Macy's. On a side note, they have purchased Kaufmanns on the East Coast where my parents live.

As I recall we learned about monopolies in history class and from what I can see many a business seems to be heading in that direction.

Regardless, we parked their car quite some distance from this destination. They are used to being able to park on the street without meters or permits and finding this in Chicago is not an easy task. So Fields on State wasn't going to happen.

We did however go to the Fields store on Michigan Avenue. This indoor mall reminded me of a mall I had been to with my parents when they first took me to Washington DC as a teenager. My dad was working for a company called National Chemsearch that provided local businesses with a line of maintenance and chemical cleaning agents. We had our very own Love Canal full of these areosol cans in a tan colored locker in the basement that my mother was forever wanting to get rid of.

Anyhow, one of the retailers at Water Tower is Abecrombie and Fitch. At one time in my life I was employed by them. I have a black and white of three shirtless guys wrestling a basketball on one of the walls in my apartment which I refer to as "my boys". I equated working there as being one of the pretty people. Sad I know, but they were new to the Buffalo market and as a young gay man, who doesn't want to be working for the Abercrombie machine?

At the entrance of the Water Tower store was a nubile young man positioned in front of an enormous black and white photograph of two giant buffed man-chests. I wanted to laugh. I mean this guy was standing there shirtless with a pair of shorts that sat low enough on his hips to mimic their "branding". I also felt as though I was leering a bit seeing this.

But such is the way of the world. I explained to my father that I felt their success was connected to the psyche of being popular. Whether gay or straight, we see marketing and portrayals on a daily basis that dull our senses and tell us that we need to be, do, have to keep up with the Joneses.

I remember meeting their CEO Mike Jeffries when we opened the Galleria Store. I was later told it was one of his least favorite, as he made no bones about the odd layout of the store or if someone was not what he considered to be "All-American".

It wasn't until I was 28 and the district manager told the store manager that he could essentially hire additional leadership candidates providing they weren't as old as me. I couldn't believe he said that. It was however, the wake up call that I needed. I didn't need them to validate me. I gave my notice shortly thereafter. Crazy bitches.

Stand Back

I had an 80's flashback this past weekend while out at Roscoe's. They were playing 80's videos which were much more favorable to me than the showtunes scene over at Sidetrack.

I don't now what happened to me, but somehow the gene that is supposed to tweak out when musicals like "Wicked" come to town just never happened to me. I don't like Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli or Barbara Streisand.

I do however, have a penchant for some old Stevie Nicks' videos though. “Stand Back” was playing on one of the many suspended televisions in the bar. I immediately stopped what I was doing, which was probably nothing, but it sounds better that way.

Picture if you will for a moment Stevie Nicks circa 1983. A pagan priestess whose Wiccan ceremony is interrupted by backup dancers from "Solid Gold". Twirling and fanning her gossamer shawls in the air while they pop and lock in all their zippered, bandannas around the neck and feathered hair glory behind her.

The video starts with her spinning in slow-motion accompanied by an unseen wind and backlit halo behind her. Cut to the dancers reminding us that this is the 80's watch us, we're fabulous! Flashdance and Michael Jackson are in the public consciousness. Choreographed videos whether good or bad are a prerequisite at the moment.

Although Stevie never officially gets down, her movements are graceful and rhythmic and she holds her own in contrast to the spastic "SG" dancers in the background. They never dance together, but they do march towards the camera at the end of the video with Stevie leading the way. Maybe standing in a line? Who really knows.

Oh Stevie, what do the billowing white curtains and treadmill mean?

In a brief moment I was transported back to my childhood living room staying up late to watch Friday Night Videos as we were one of the homes that did not yet have MTV. One moment in 1983 old met new, street met Wiccan Queen while two worlds collided and something slightly magical happened.

Hot n' Stinky

Two smells that don't smell good together on a crowded bus in Spring. Flatulence and Calvin Klein Obsession for men. Nuff said.

The Shadow of Brokeback

Brokeback Mountain saw the loss that would shake the gay world as it were. Yes, it was disappointing to lose to Crash. I saw both films and although I felt Crash was a well done, I never really felt it was great.

I have said before and will continue to believe that the Academy generally rewards films that they feel cover a broad field. Brokeback Mountain was in my opinion considered more specific in its message. It should be commended for portraying a relationship between two men that was unabashed at the very least. We were no longer campy, but able to feel love like our heterosexual counterparts.

Winning would have meant that we were on the cusp of a new level of acceptance. Acceptance by and large is something that every minority group fights for.

I enjoyed Brokeback and I do believe it has done well by everyone involved in it including director Ang Lee. Heck, I'd say it certainly re-invigorated Heath Ledger's career whose subtle brooding performance of Ennis Delmar was most definitely Oscar worthy. Even though I found it humorous that the networks seemed to be running previews of Casanova non-stop as if to say, "he likes the ladies."

However, if were are going to talk about cinematic loss, I'd like to bring to your attention the film Mysterious Skin. I remember this movie coming to the art theater and wanting to see it, but for whatever reason never getting there. I finally rented it this past weekend and have to say it was an incredibly profound and thought provoking movie that has left its mark on me.

Unlike Brokeback, it's not exactly a classic tale of unrequited love. Brokeback has its gorgeously framed rolling hills and valleys. Mysterious Skin has theories of alien abduction and a dark secret.

The movie opens by introducing us to two characters who are so different that their lives quite possibly would have never intersected excluding a shared experience that occurred to them.

The first character we meet is Brian Lackey. A introverted, frail young boy who has been misplaced on a little league team. During the course of this game a thunder storm ensues and the images flash from storm to a scared little boy with a nosebleed hiding in a cellar. One of his first lines of dialog is "The summer I was eight years old, five hours disappeared from my life".

This sets up the pretext of what Brian so desperately wants to know that it consumes his very being.

Shortly after Brian's introduction we are introduced to Neil McCormick. Extroverted Neil is quite different from Brian. We know this as he voyeuristically watches his mother have sex with her then boyfriend while masturbating. We hear him say in a voiceover "The summer I was eight years old, I came for the first time."

Mysterious Skin isn't merely an exploration of young sexuality in arresting and blunt terms. It's a layered view of the long-term effects that follow those who
have been sexually abused and the coping mechanisms employed therein.

Without giving away spoilers for those who may want to see this film, I highly recommend it. The ensemble cast including Joseph-Gordon Levitt as the adolescent
Neil and Elizabeth Shue as his good-hearted yet clueless mother are both performances that were sadly unnoticed this past year.

Bits and pieces

This morning was spent responding to emails and part of this routine includes perusing various headlines that are considered newsworthy.

First on my list was "Doctors Reattach Part of Sharon's Skull". I thought, shit Sharon Stone has finally self destructed. I couldn't even touch that one because Basic Instinct 2 is just getting blasted all over the place. I didn't want to be part of that bandwagon. I saw a preview clip a few weeks before it was released which included the now banned lesbian footage and it just smacked of Madonna's performance in "Body of Evidence."

This combined with the now publicized rider Ms. stone requested while filming BI2 just shows how cuckoo she really is.

Anyhow, It wasn't about her, it was about Ariel Shannon. The Prime Minister of Israel underwent his eighth surgery since suffering a massive stroke on January 4. C'mon now. They removed part of his skull, put him back in his room and then later reattached it. I don't make this up people, it's just what I'm drawn to. Makes me think of day old bread.

In keeping with the appropriate writing style provided in college I must say that secondly, I am anticipating tonight's episode of America's Next Top Model. The title alone makes me snicker as you really haven't seen many of these winners appear in adverts now have you? One of my favorites was Yoanna House. I decided to go to the Ford Modeling website as I believe Tyra repeats every time how if they win they will be represented by Ford Models. She doesn't say for how long however, and a visit to their portfolio this morning I did not find Yoanna anywhere.

I've seen that annoying bitch Nicole from last year all over the place because someone probably finally caught on and told Tyra they'd sue her ass if these girls didn't start getting some real work. Poor Shandi is probably back at the Walgreen's with her shattered dreams.

In regards to this year it would appear that the one to watch is Jade. She is one vile skank who looks like a bad drag queen. Do I even need to mention how she looked like a bad porn star in her kindergarten teacher dominatrix outfit? It's clear to me that she is a ratings draw only. She'll probably make it into the top three which is pathetic. I'm rooting for Mollie Sue.

Let's talk about poor horse-faced Brooke. Every episode the judges tell her how freaky her puss is, but that if she finds the right angle she
could be the next Picasso painting!

I'd love it if she came out and stomped her foot in response, or that they'd have a photo session where they title the episode "The girl that looked like a Pony". Then they would do an imaginary ad for Pony
footwear and dress them up like Hasbro My Little Pony figurines. Brooke would move to the front and win the challenge. Yes!

Truly It's painful because the panel of judges always call her on her flaws.

After some deliberation the following girls are in: Furonda, Joanie, Danielle, Leslie, Jade, Mollie Sue, Sara, and Nnenna. This leaves Brooke and Gina.

Now I haven't even mentioned poor Gina who has been getting mind-fucked by Jade from the get-go. Not that it would appear that there is much of a mind behind those eyes. She just always looks out of it as she blinks away and trys to become a better model, which just is not happening.

So who goes home? Gina, of course. No one is really that sad to see her go. Jade does give her a hug, so I guess we'll have to wait until the reunion show to see how they really feel about each other.

Gina says that modeling is harder than people might think. As far as Gina is concerned, thinking is harder than people might think. She says that she's learned that not everyone will like her, no matter how friendly she is, and says that it's up to her to figure out life on her own. She is thus sent out into the wilderness with only her giant teeth to shield her from life's miseries.

Uncanny

I was sifting through the stack of magazines in the employee breakroom today while eating lunch. I don't know why I even learned to read as I spend most of my time turning through the pages like a junkie looking for a sensory overload high. It truly is a wonder that I never got into video games given the rate of recognition for image and action change.

Feeling a bit like Carrie Bradshaw as I paused to read my horoscope in this month's Vanity Fair, which first of all, let me say that those pictures of Teri Hatcher do her justice. She is one freaky looking bitch to me, somewhere between Lois and Clark and Desperate Housewives something happened. Her face looks like it was pulled back and stapled. Anyhow, kudos to you
Michael Thompson for making Teri look flawless and whatever photo retouching software you used.

Back to my Carrie moment. I mean seriously, do I go for the aloof Russian guy or the aloof New York City guy. What to do?

My horoscope was dead-on and here it is:

Libra

Although you should be grateful that you have time enough to concentrate on work and are healthy enough to meet the challenges presented by your kooky choice of lifestyle, you are nevertheless in a volatile emotional state. It's the love thing again. With Venus approaching Neptune in the solar 5th house, love- whether it's for children, grandchildren, or an attractive but elusive figure who spends half the time running in the opposite direction- has caused several Libras to go totally gaga. You're not one of them are you?

Help! I am.

The Miracle of Mount Manischewitz

I wish I could take a photograph of the aisle devoted to Passover treats at the Treasure Island grocery store. It is truly a site to behold. Dark Chocolate Coated Egg Matzo stacked as high as the eye can see. Jars of Gefilte Fish, Mini Potato Knish Mix and Passover Gold Yolk Free Medium Egg Noodles all Certified Kosher by the Orthodox Union.

The name Passover comes from when the Angel of Death passed over the homes of the Jews, because they had been forewarned, and had put lambs blood on their doors, so that death would spare their first born child.

Mmm. Makes me hungry just thinking about all that sin and pain. I am going straight to hell. Pass the Kugel please.

Evil wrapped in a sugar shell

I will not purchase any more Brach's Robin's Eggs. I thought I'd get something festive to fill the small bowl that sits on top of the oven. (I am a victim of sensory stimulation) I purchased a bag of these and have been consuming them ever since. I have lost my will power.

Maybe the Robin on my windowsill this morning thought those eggs were hers?