Jet Lag

Episode eight of Projekt Klumway opens with a *gasp* shirtless Candy Kayne mourning the loss of Auf'd designer/gal pal Robert. Who will he have as a co-conspirator in bitchery or late night patty-cake games? Note to producers, who do I submit my therapy bill to after seeing Jeffrey shirtless and now Candy Kayne's man-boobs? I know sex sells, but please leave that to shows that have people who look good in various stages of undress.

After Candy's confession, we see Vincent in mad scientist mode telling us that his win was the metaphorical "shot in the arm"” he was waiting for. I don't care whether it's administered via needle or pill form, just Auf him soon for chrissakes. I'm still scratching my head over his win, but as the saying goes, the show must go on. Meanwhile, Jeffrey is still angry. He's ranting and raving about Angela coming down to their apartment to bum smokes. Clearly I don't understand why Angela can't get her own smokes and escape somewhere elusive like the rooftop. I thank god that I don't have any addictions that would require Jeffrey to be my sponsor.

Uli and Laura are discussing Laura's baby bump. Laura makes it clear that being knocked up is a minor inconvenience. She hasn't let motherhood stand in her way before, so why start now?

Back at the runway Frau Klum brings out the remaining nine models. Two models will be asked to leave as last week it was a family affair. The designers choose their models which leaves Danielle and Alexandra out. Amanda, which we will refer to as Demanda from here on out, nearly wets her panties backstage. She is very excited not to have been eliminated and believes that she deserves to win. The other models don't share her perspective, but a girls gotta dream right? Plus every season needs it's token crazy model.

Frau Klum tells the group their next challenge involves designing for a hip, international jetsetter. Jeffrey assumes she's referring to him. Candy Kayne thinks it's going to be Tara Reid, based on her wardrobe malfunctions and posthumous show Taradise. Becky please!

Before Frau Klum sends them to the workroom to hear about the details of the challenge from Tim, she says that there are benefits to winning that will be revealed in a future challenge. So cryptic that Frau Klum!

Back in the workroom Tim reveals that the hip, international jetsetter is in fact themselves and they will be modeling their own ensembles . They have fifteen minutes to sketch, $75 for fabric, and until midnight that night to make the ensemble.

Uli is excited because she fancies herself a hip, international jetsetter. Vincent is not getting off as heÂ’s never done menswear before.

Most of the designers go with what they know. Jeffrey's inspiration is rock stars. Laura is going to make a cocktail dress as she doesn't want to fall out of her comfort zone. Angela is stumped. Seriously don't any of these people have a frame of reference? I'm still reeling from Bradley's quip about not knowing who Cher was.

At Mood we see Candy Kayne selecting a bold pink and purple abstract teardrop patterned fabric. He explains that he's going to construct a black shirt and use cutouts from the fabric on the back and on the sleeves of the shirt.

Angela is looking at muted pink and green fabrics, Tim observes this and suggests she choose something more hip. She must be either half listening or ignoring him because she continues to make poor choices fabric-wise. Michael is searching for Hamptons meets Da Hood fabrics.

Back at the Parsons workroom Uli has a million prints on her station. Laura says it's "an Uli explosion." Uli interviews that she travels a lot and always takes party dresses made from prints like the ones she has chosen, because they go from day to evening and you can "get wasted" in them.

Angela, still perplexed talks about her cousin Jack and how he travels around to hunt. Jack's sister calls him the Hillbilly Jetsetter. Somehow I don't think that's what they're looking for and it's kind of sad to see her floundering so much, but not really. I mean get a grip girl.

Back in the crazy corner is Vincent. He's removed his pants and is laughing maniacally while cutting fabric. It looks like he's using the pants he was wearing as a template for the pants he's about to make. I picture him running around the sanatorium he was at prior to this running around in his boxers.

Angela and Jeffrey have yet another confrontation. She tells him that if he has something to say to her, he should say it to her face. He responds by saying something to the effect of not wanting to look at her face or talk to her. He's still sore from the last challenge and will not let it go. Note to Jeffrey, loose the mama drama and move on.

Tim enters the workroom and goes to Jeffrey first. As usual he is full of delusion regarding his superiority. Tim tells him, "it's not boring."

Laura tells Tim that she's trying not to be boring or too classic. She adds that it feels different from anything she has sent down the runway before. Laura interviews that she feels good about her garment, but she liked her last one too, and that got "nailed on the runway." She's trying to learn from the judges and keep things "young and fresh."

Next up is Candy Kayne. Tim is direct and tells him that it's looking very "Elvis." Well frankly what was Tim expecting? Candy Kayne is all flash and trash.

Michael explains his Hamptons/Hood aesthetic for Tim. He tells Tim that he's going to wear a regular t-shirt under his jacket, which "worries" Tim. Heeding Tim's advice he changes gears and decides to make a collared shirt.

Tim tells Angela that her design looks very "Holly Hobbie." She seems surprised by this comment. I was too as the Holly Hobbie I remember was more like Laura Ingalls Wilder than her current incarnation, but I'll be damned he's spot on.

The workday ends and the designers go back to the apartment where Michael gives Candy Kayne some runway walk advice. He's not bad. His tip is step back a couple of times before turning around at the end of the runway. Ms. Kayne is not so lucky and tells Michael that he has the ghetto advantage and plays his white trash card. C'mon pageant gown maker, gather your dolls and work it. There are plenty of models who came from humble beginnings and know how to work it. I've watched America's Next Top Model so I know.

The next morning back at the workroom, Tim tells them that they have an hour before the runway. Jeffrey says it's going "to be fun to rock down the runway." He actually tripped on "walk" and said "rock," but he just went with it. Angela has her hair blown straight. Michael says that he did not want to waste any time with styling, since he still had to finish up his shirt.

We see a shirtless and harried Candy Kayne making last minute embellishment in his man-panties. My eyes! We hear Laura say that she loves him as a person but that he has a "tackiness that just doesn't translate to high fashion." I'd say she's right.

On the runway Frau Klum introduces judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and guest judge Francisco Costa, creative director of Calvin Klein Women. She explains the challenge and the show begins.

First up is Vincent. He has made black pants paired with a black v-neck sweater. Very Banana Republic. He used his own pants to create a rub-off, so I guess he is still getting off, just in a different way. It doesn't look bad, but it's obviously boring and safe.

Next out is Jeffrey's design. His outfit is definitely rock-and-roll. The pants are pinstriped and slim-fitted. His jacket looks a bit more like a shrug as it appears a bit too small for his frame. Maybe it's the illusion of his trunk-like neck throwing me off? Most disturbing to me however is his bejeweled crotch.

Angela comes out wearing brown cargo capri pants with two two big rosettes on each ass cheek. The red satin top that accompanies this is a tween dream, but certainly not first class. All this paired with a pair of black biker boots and a bag. No, no, nooooo!

Laura's dress is a pale pink halter-dress with a wrap-tie at the midriff. It is less structured than some of her previous designs and it was also refreshing to see her hair down. That, or I could just be a sucker for her motherly glow.

Michael follows with his hip-hop seersucker parachute pants with straps hanging off of them. He made a shirt with a band collar that zips halfway down the front of the shirt accentuated with a bit o' bling.

Stop the press...it's Candy Kayne in Vegas. He's resurrected his namesake belt for this challenge and apparently the term '"tasteful" or "restraint" do not apply here. It's garish and over the top.

Uli is the final designer to walk the plank, I mean runway. It's a halter-styled dress, with a myriad of prints all the way to the floor. Long live the Caribbean Queen.

On the runway, Frau Klum asks them to explain their concepts. Uli tells the judges her dress is ready to party. Michael and Nina feel that Uli's dress is Miami, L.A., and the Caribbean, but nowhere else. Francisco says it's over the top. Uli says that it was her intent to create a dress for the destinations they are referring to. Michael returns her response and explains that they've seen this dress on her before and would like to see her expand beyond this genre.

Angela shows her fleurchons and calls them "signature Angela." Michael Kors feels that she could not have made a worse choice for fabric as silk linen travels poorly. Adding insult to injury he continues by saying that she looks like a wreck just standing there and would look like a homeless person after traveling. I love his bitchery.

Laura explains that her dress is intended for parties. Francisco doesn't like the knot of fabric in the back, but Michael Kors doesn't miss a beat and says that you could bring it around and tie in the front. Nina thinks that Laura's dress would translate as chic anywhere. Take that Francisco!

Frau Klum asks Jeffrey where he's going, and he replies, "Isn't it obvious?" He's a rock star, duh. Francisco thinks he looks great. Frau Klum thinks it looks expensive. Nina says it's very "now." I half expected to see Frau Klum and Nina Garcia with their arms around his legs, while Jeffrey was taking Francisco from behind.

Vincent tells the judges his goal was to create something classic and comfortable. Frau Klum thinks it's basic and simple. Francisco likes it, it's very CK- yawn. Nina adds that classic garments require precise execution, which in her opinion was not realized in his design. Michael Kors thinks it looks like the pajamas they give you in first class. He agrees that it's comfortable and easy, but he doesnÂ’t see any "twist." "I'm the twist," replies Vincent.

Michael tells the judges that his vision was to merge hip-hop with classic American style. Michael Kors likes it as he feels that seersucker is great to travel with because it's pre-wrinkled. Francisco thinks the look is "smart." Nina says that she totally sees where he is going. I must admit to that I thought his personal style translated perfectly here.

Candy Kayne tells the judges he would be traveling and expecting butterflies and ponies to see him, so he'd want to look fairy-fabulous. Nina says, "Candy Kayne or Elvis?" Michael Kors says that the outfit is made well, but is over the top.

Frau Klum tells the designers that no one will be eliminated in this round and that they are interested in seeing how well the designers' outfits travel. They have one hour to go back to their respective apartments and pack. They will find out where their destination is once they arrive at the airport.

At the airport, they retrieve their tickets from a kiosk and discover that they are going to Paris. Candy Kayne has never left the country, so he is very excited to see Paris. Jeffrey says that "the birthplace of fashion" is inspiring to him and the other designers. Laura has been pretty subdued, but is overjoyed when she finds out that they are traveling first class and moves her knot to the front of her dress.

The designers arrive and are taken to Parsons Paris. They enter to find a workroom with six tables. I don't know about you, but I'd be pissed to have flown however many hours it takes to get from New York to Paris only to be sent home.

Tim introduces Catherine Malandrino, their host judge. She has a very prominent accent. The designers do an abbreviated runway walk for her to judge how well their outfits traveled.

After the Catherine judges they bring everyone out for the final decision. Laura and Vincent are in. She says the winner was between Michael and Jeffrey. There is a slight pause and the winner is... Jeffrey. He interviews that it was validation to have won this challenge. He babbles some pseudo spiritual talk about god watching over him. Admittedly I've silently prayed in vain myself, so I understand where he's coming from, but let's face it, god has more pressing issues than you monsieur Jeffrey.

Michael and Uli are safe. Which leaves Candy Kayne and Angela.

Catherine tells Candy Kayne that he looks ridiculous and like a "fake pop star." She tells Angela "you look like you come from another world." With that Angela is given the Auf Wiedersehen. She is asked to gather her things and leave.

Jeffrey is elated that Angela is gone. He thinks she's more skilled at using a glue gun than designing clothes. She waves to everyone and leaves. Even though I referred to her as Debra Messing's other sister, I have to admit I am sad to see her go. She's like the girl you picked on in high-school but feel wrong for having done so once you mature.

Splendor in the (Gr)ass?

I should'nt be surprised, but this morning I was. As I turned onto Buckingham from Halsted, there next to the base of a tree was big blue.

At first I thought of the Suzanne Vega song "Small Blue Thing", but really it wasn't all that small and this picture doesn't do it justice. As I was taking this snapshot, someone was coming out of the building that was directly behind me. I pretended I was an artsy photographer and starting shouting, "mon amor...discarded love!"

Well, I did on the inside as I was kind of embarrassed to be taking pictures of it, but it's not everyday you see something like this.

I can only imagine the drama that ensued before it found a temporary resting place here. It's me or the dildo!

Smaller Than A Breadbox

Surfing around the web in my usual fashion today I came across a group of loveable little sandwich-sized critters called Woollyhoodwinks. All I can say is that I must have one. The 'Hoodwinks are handmade, so each one is completely unique and come packaged in their pillow-box 'tree' with special surprises!

By nature they are pranksters of one sort or another. Ludic is the dreamer of the group, the sensitive one. Fluke is the baby of the family and blissfully unaware. Junco is the sensible one and the leader of the Woollyhoodwinks. Ozard is the smart one. The capricious Reddy is the wildchild.

The question is which one to get as I'm a little bit of each of them...

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

Last night Mr. Wright, Mintie, Mike-Opolis and I went to see Snakes On a Plane. It's been a really long time since I've gone to see something that has been hyped within an inch of it's life. For what it's worth, I did enjoy it. It was a pure camp send-up to all those 70's disaster movies.

A quick plot summary without spoiling the film involves an assassin who is trying to kill a passenger who is in a witness protection program by unleashing a crate full of deadly snakes in a plane high above the Pacific Ocean. The pure entertainment value of a snake biting a nubile tit as well as a guys penis were worth the price of admission alone. Also our small entourage yelling "Snake Vision" anytime the viewer was supposedly looking through the eyes of a snake was sheer juvenile fun.

When the movie ended we left came back to my place, chatted for a bit and fell asleep. Mr. Wright must have been very tired as it wasn't long before he was snoring, which I found quite endearing. Being a fellow snorer, I usually sleep on my stomach which prevents this, but because I like to spoon, that's right folks, I'm a cuddler, the other person is subject to my auditory opus.

We woke up this morning and after a quick cup of coffee, headed out the door. Me to work and he to enjoy the day- he is one of the many who have a conventional weekend off. As we made it to the corner I saw a disheveled and kooky looking middle-aged woman crossing the street. I pointed her out to him without trying to be blatantly obvious.

We passed by her and I think she asked us if we had any change to spare. She then looked at Wright's t-shirt which said bite me on it. The most unexpected thing happened next. She read this aloud and said something like "I'll bite ya honey, I'll take a bite out of your ass!"

I'm Every Woman

Last night's episode of Projekt Klumway sets up the juicy premise of things to come. We see the designers getting ready to meet up with Frau Klum at Parsons and find out what their next challenge is going to be. I enjoyed seeing Candy Kayne spike each of his hairs to achieve the proper Disney villain look.

We see and hear Jeffrey say how he is disappointed that Alison was Auf'd and that it should have been Angela. Becky please, did you see Vincent's paper pot holder?

The designers arrive at Parsons and Frau Klum reveals that this challenge will involve creating a look for the everyday woman. She pauses to say that there's more, but first they must bring out the models. Something's up as Angela squeals "Oh My God...Mom!". It doesn't take long before we figure out that the women before us are related to the designers.

Big Red bursts into tears at the sight of her mother and Jeffrey points out his mom to her. She chides him by saying "no frickin way...I thought she'd have a mohawk".

Frau Klum asks the designers if they're surprised to which they collectively respond "yes". She then asks each of the women to introduce themselves.

Judy is Candy Kayne's mother. The next woman is Darlene who exclaims that she is the mother of her delightful daughter Angela. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck bristle as she said this...am I a heartless bitch?

Patricia is Vincent's care provider...I mean sister. Pamela is Micheal's mom. Teresa is Robert's sister. Pam is Jeffrey's mom. Heidi is Uli's mom and Lorraine is Laura's mom.

Frau Klum tells the designers that these are their models, but there's a twist. They must design for one of the women but they cannot be their own mother or sister.

Michael gets to go first as he won the last challenge. He chooses Robert's sister Teresa. Frau Klum employs the assistance of the velvet bag to see who gets to choose next. It's Laura and she selects Jeffrey's mom Pam. She announces breezily to Jeffrey that she did this just to torture him, but let's be real folks we know it's true.

Vincent picks Uli's mother Heidi, which we'll call Heidi 2, so as not to confuse with Frau Klum. Angela chooses Laura's mom Lorraine. Candy Kayne selects Michael's mother Pam. Uli picks Candy Kayne's mom Judy. Robert says he would love to work with Vincent's sister Patricia. Which leaves Jeffrey with Darlene, Angela's mom.

There is a brief reunion back in the design studio. I think we her Uli say something to her mom in German about working in a shiza-video. I can only assume as they did not offer a subtitle translation.

Tim Gunn arrives and tells the group they have a special event to go to which is being hosted by a guest judge. They are taken to Tavern On The Green where they meet up with Michael Kors and his mother Joan. She is the celebrity judge for this challenge. I love the fact that her voice is all raspy. You know she just finished chain smoking at least five cigarettes before the designers arrived.

A bottle of champagne is popped and some of the mothers begin sharing photos of their children. Candy Kayne's mom pulls out some humiliating pics of a plus size child. Jeffrey's mom pulls out a picture of him with frosted hair and braces. She confesses to the camera that his life has been turbulent and that he is a recovering alcoholic. Quelle suprise, no?

Michael Kors drops over to Laura's table. They're comparing notes on the only child experience when Laura drops the 'b' bomb, that's right kids she's expecting baby number six. She tells her mom that she has only known since the show began. I think she's been knockin boots with Michael and I don't mean Kors. I see how they long to collaborate again. Honestly, I'm kidding but in my world that's the way it would roll.

Tim arrives after they are sufficiently buzzed and takes them back to the Parsons workroom. He reiterates what Frau Klum said earlier, their design should reflect the day to day lifestyle of their client. He continues to say that it should also be fashion forward and bear their style as a designer. They have 30 minutes to meet and discuss their ideas, plus one day to construct their garments.

Vincent is up to his usual antics and is making another *gasp* sheath dress. He embraces Uli's mom as he perceives her to be pleased with is design and she says something to him in German, which I roughly translates into "don't fuck with me cuckoo".

The true focus of this however is the caustic exchange between Jeffrey and Darlene, Angela's mother. You can just see that the loathing he has for Angela being transferred onto this poor woman. She reminds me of the Beatrix Potter character Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle with a pair of tiny glasses. After thirty minutes pass, the designers finish their sketching/consult session and are off to Mood.

Back in the workroom, several of the designers find themselves challenged with the task at hand. They're used to designing for unnatural sized women and since these are real women, i.e. mostly plus sized ones, they are forced to move outside of their comfort zone. Let's face it the real world ain't all about pretty.

Speaking of comfort zones, I was forced to move outside of mine as Tim Gunn spoke to Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle about Jeffrey's color choices. Jeffrey comes into the conversation and tells Tim that he didn't expect him at his workstation. Tim tells Jeffrey what Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle said. Namely that she is ambivalent about the colors. Jeffrey then gets defensive and starts taking it out on Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle. He tells her "I'm gonna make the dress I'm gonna make and if you don't like it you don't like it. I just hope the judges like it". Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle asks why she is being treated this way and Jeffrey responds with "I don't even appreciate you even standing here." He storms out of the workroom leaving a disheveled Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle crying.

Angela tries to console her crying mother by explaining that Jeffrey's simply an asshole. Jeffrey's mother downs a couple of mini-bottles and attempts damage control amongst the other women regarding her son. By this time Angela confronts Jeffrey and it's officially become an all you can eat drama buffet. The designers work until midnight and go back to their respective apartments.

The following morning everyone is anxious about the runway show. Tim comes in and tells the designers that they have an hour to dress and prep their models. When it's time for Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle's fitting, Angela tells her that when the judges ask her how she feels about the dress she should be honest and say what she feels. Jeffrey overhears this and thinks it's Angela trying to sabotage him. He did make Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle cry, so you can't really blame her. Meanwhile Vincent is talking to Uli's mom like she's mentally challenged, when we already know it's clear that he is the one with issues. He fit's her and asks "Is OK? I come downstairs...we do hair, makeup. I go with you."

We are now runway ready. Frau Klum introduces our judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and guest judge Joan Kors. She announces that there will be no immunity for this challenge. The first woman up is Jeffrey's mom Pam wearing an ensemble designed by Laura. The nautical idea is poorly translated and looks more flight attendant to me, especially with the scarf around he neck. Uli's design is next and is modeled by Candy Kayne's mom Judy. One word- flawless. It flows and fits her really well. Frau Uli knows how to use color and pattern.

Vincent's outfit is modeled by Uli's mom Heidi 2. It's a tan sheath dress with an enormous collar that looks like the Motorola "M". I just don't get it. Vincent meanwhile is most likely so turned on that he's at a loss for words. Candy Kayne's model is Michael's mom Pam. It's a pink silk napkin-bib over an orange tunic paired with Capri pants on a plus size woman. Not so good.

Angela's ensemble is modeled by Laura's mom Lorraine. It's a basic black tunic top and pants with a fringe wrap held in place with a brooch. At least there aren't any flourettes I suppose. When Vincent's sister comes out wearing Roberts outfit she looks like biggie red matron hood. It's big black black muumuu with a giant red wrap around the top. I'm fairly certain that the lifeless presence of Patricia didn't help sell it either.

Robert's sister Teresa comes out looking sassy in Michael's dress. It's a reversible black shirt-dress backed with a black and white paisley pattern with a printed belt. Jeffrey's dress on Angela's mom Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle is next. It was a mess. If the Macy's accessory wall had a witches hat, the outfit would be complete.

After the show the designers are brought before the judges. They start with Michael, Candy Kayne, Vincent, Uli and Robert. Michael is up first and he describes his dress as a reversible shirt dress. The judges like it, with the exception of Michael Kors who had issues with the belt. He felt it looked to "matronly". Then it's Uli's dress. My personal favorite. The judges agree that she truly understood what this challenge was about and her execution was once again top notch.

When they get to Candy Kayne the congeniality evaporates. They don't like his dress on Michaels mom. Nina thinks it's too "matchy matchy". Next they talk to Vincent. Before they critique the dress Frau Klum and Uli's mom have a short conversation in German. She probably asked her if she feared for her life around the crazy little man in glasses who designed her dress. The judges like it. I have no clue other than the remote possibility that the producers and judges are playing a joke on the viewers but what do I know?

Robert's disaster is next. Nina is upset that he went the easy way with the tank dress, Michael Kors says it's a good basic, but doesn't show her personality. The first group of designers are told they can leave the runway.

The next group is Angela, Jeffrey and Laura. The judges begin with Angela. She begins by telling them that her muse was once again Audrey Hepburn . Before she can continue, Michael Kors says something like it's more Stevie Nicks than Audrey Hepburn.

When they get to Laura's ensemble they are blunt and tell her it's ill-fitting and matronly. Jeffrey's creation follows and the judges go directly to Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle. They ask for her opinion and she confesses that she would never wear what Jeffrey has made for her, it makes her feel bad about herself. Michael Kors doesn't like it at all. He thinks it looks confused. We then hear one of Frau Klums infamous voiceovers. She says "I have to tell you I didn't like it...but at least I see a point of view here." This of course means that he will not be Auf'd this week. Frankly this leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it is clear to me that certain people are kept in the mix to skew the dynamic and keep viewers tuning in. See Vincent.

After the judges deliberate they bring everyone out for the final decision. Michael was granted immunity in the previous challenge, so he is safe and can leave the runway. Next they tell Laura that she is safe. Now its time to announce the winner. The winner is...Vincent. I don't even want to touch that one. I think Uli was robbed. Uli, Kayne and Angela are all safe and leave the runway. And the look on Jeffrey's face when Angela makes it never gets old.

So that leaves us with Robert and Jeffrey. We all know because of the voiceover who is going home. It's Robert, for his boring two color muumuu. Frau Klum tells Jeffrey that his outfit was a failure. She tellls Robert that they expected more out of him, but his designs are not fashion-forward. Thusly, Robert is "Auf'd". Backstage everyone laments the loss of Robert. Candy Kayne expresses his sadness in a tortured metaphor. "You brighten up my sunshine every morning". Jeffrey is also taking it hard and in complimenting Robert while choking back tears, also throws more backhanded insults at the others "They're not all good people, bottom line., and Robert is a good person."

After that they give Robert a nice round of applause and send him on his merry way. Which leaves me mentally and emotionally exhausted from this episode. Please people can we try to play nice? Phew!

Show Us Your Wares

Yesterday evening I met up with Mr. Wright. Tuesday nights are free at the MCA and we both wanted to see the Chris Ware show. Seeing his numerous sketches and storyboards made me long to do something tactile involving pencil to paper, but I imagine my writing is an artistic expression of myself or should I say extension of myself too.

One room was devoted to his graphic novel "Jimmy Corrigan, the Smartest Kid on Earth", the other was a series called "Building Stories". These narratives explore the everyday lives of the characters who inhabit them. What I found most captivating was the detailed visual aspect which provided the framework for themes of discontent and alienation. Quite brilliantly executed I must say.

After viewing the exhibit we went out to the back terrace to listen to a jazz quartet and sit on the grass behind the museum. A chef was giving a cooking demonstration at the far end of the terrace and whatever he was preparing was producing quite a bit of feedback. We decided to escape to the lower terrace, which esentially is a lawn behind the building. As we sat down on the grass and chatted I noticed a fantastic view of the city.

We picked up our bags and left with dinner in mind but not before pausing to take a couple of random snaps in front of what appeared to be a heinous albeit staged accident/outdoor exhibit.

Mr. Wright

A house centipede met its demise this morning as I turned my shower on. I have absolutely no idea what it was thinking as it was swept down the drain. I'm normally a live and let live kind of guy, but anything that has tentacles on either end of its body and more than eleven legs on each side of its body must die. I have visions of these things climbing up my comforter as I sleep and onto my face.

What I'm getting at is this. Just as that house centipede met its demise, you never can tell what life is going to send your way. Its full of when you least expect it moments. Like going to an art gallery opening with a toy chihuahua named Sybil running around amongst feathers on the floor or going to a level vodka party and crawling on the floor because all your self-edit button has been short-circuited by the drink. But I digress as a wonderful least expect it moment happened to be serendipitous for me.

Yes, good things come to those who wait. I think I've met a suitable suitor if you will. I find it ironic that (a. a random bartender at Mini-Bar muttered twins as he passed by us and (b. that the object of my affections last name is Wright. Yes folks this does indeed make him Mr. Wright. Although he's certainly no daddy.

Check please!

No French Toast...just Brioche

Projekt Klumway was a little hard to bear yesterday evening. The episode begins with previous challenge winner Michael brushing his head and face with what looks like a shoe shine brush. He speaks of how proud he is to have made it this far with his hootchie wear and that he plans on winning the next challenge as well.

We see Vincent who is yammering about his boy Bradley being gone. Which now allows him to bask comfortably in the crazy spotlight. Where it would appear that Vincent needs medication, poor Bradley appeared to be on too many- you could poke Bradley with a stick and he wouldn't flinch.

Cut to Heidi bringing out the winning and losing model's from last week. She asks Michael if he would like to continue working with Jesus of Nazri or switch to Katie. This is a no brainer as J-Naz can work it. Katie is Auf'd. Buh bye. Laura makes a face like she smells something bad.

Heidi asks the designers if they are ready for their next challenge. Now I don't know if anyone else responded, but all I could hear was Angela saying yes. She was the annoying girl you went to high school with. The one who was insecure and stuck safety pins in her clothing, put buttons on her backpack and brown nosed the teachers. It could also be that she looks a bit like Debra Messing to me, who equally annoys me, but I digress.

Heidi tells the designers that their challenges have been relatively easy thus far so they are going to step it up. She sends them on their way telling them that they will all find out what their next challenge is the following morning.

We then see Tim Gunn knocking on the door to the men's apartment with the time stamp of 5:00 am. Michael answers the door. Tim tells Michael that they are going on a field trip. He does the same at the women's apartment. We then hear him say that there are no open toed shoes of any kind for Candy Kayne or Jeffrey.

Alison tells Laura it's a good thing she has on her riding outfit, because after all it could be horses. She's so sweet I couldn't really tell if it was a jab or not.

The designers are shuttled off in a big black van and heading down the highway. It would appear they are Jersey bound. Laura makes a comment about the weather being lousy and that Jersey looks as awful as it ever did. Tsk. tsk. Big Red.

The designers are lead to a loading dock and stand in front of a large garage door. Tim reveals that they are in Newark New Jersey and that their next challenge is behind that door. The door opens and there are mounds of recyclable materials surrounded by what looks like caution tape.

Tim reveals that they will be sourcing recyclable materials for this challenge. They are each given three bins. Their garments will be critiqued on innovation, creativity and materials used. The designers have thirty minutes to dumpster dive after which they will be going back to an art supply store in Manhattan to purchase materials to aid them with construction.

Vincent makes one of his cuckoo remarks saying that his creation from trash will be a contradiction...it will be art. We'll see oh crazy one.

Michael is beat boxing and Laura is funking out. I think those two are doing more than sticking chocolate in the others peanut butter if you know what I mean.

They briefly stop at an art supply store with a $25 budget and fifteen minutes.

Back at Parsons Tim tells the designers they have 10 hours to make it work.

Alison sets out to create a voluminous skirt using multi-colored strips of paper. Angela is planning on constructing hers using multiple pieces in a patchwork-disco ball sort of way. Michael's execution is more organic as he is letting the materials dictate the evolution of his design.

Vincent is following a similar method, but the voices in his head tell him he does not own the future and will not go there. Come again? Laura confirms Vincent's mental state as being unstable and that he will crack sooner or later. I can only hope they'll get it on film because that makes for some great television.

In the break room Candy Kayne and Robert trash talk Laura. Robert comments on how her dress looks like a straight jacket and that she must be sewing for herself again. Awfully ballsy if you ask me as he's been in the bottom three these past two episodes.

Alison scraps her original concept as the raw materials are not responding as she had hoped.

Tim stops by with an hour and a half left to give his view on how each design is progressing.

The first dress we see is Uli's which is turning out flawlessly. It is a combination on woven mylar and muslin. Jeffrey's newspaper girl dress is coming along nicely as well.

Vincent thinks his dress is Avant Garde, Tim goads him by saying that it needs more embellishments. I really think they are keeping him for the kooky factor.

Tim critiques Alison's design and tells her he's a bit concerned as her model Alexandra is a larger girl and the dress may look unflattering on her. This sends poor Alison into a tailspin. Tim tells Candy Kayne that his design was not what he was expecting and that it looks like the amateur hour.

The following morning the models arrive and it's time for a quick fitting and then off to the L’Oréal make-up room and the TRESemmé hair salon. Most of the designers are having issues with their garments fitting as the materials do not have the same elasticity that fabric does.

Candy Kayne and Laura have some words before the presentation and she tells him that she frequently worries about his choices. Candy's response is that he worries about her character and that's worse. Ouch.

The models are prepped and judges revealed. They are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Celebrity Stylist Rachel Zoe.

Uli's dress is first. It is constructed of mylar and muslin and looks gorgeous. The top is strapless and the skirt is like french braided mylar and muslin. Angela's dress looks like something Posh Spice would have worn. It's as though her model were wrapped in aluminum foil with a patch-work exoskeleton.

Michaels dress is hootchie glam. There is a gold mylar bustier with a plastic bag pretending to be fur with a fitted skirt sourced from a peanut bag. Undoubtably provided by Laura. Vincent refers to his dress as art in motion and comments several times on how his seeing his design go down the runway gets him off. Guess he must like paper cuts.

Robert's dress is a mylar cocktail dress with a ruffle detail at the bottom. It's much more youthful than his last two designs and his model Danielle appears to be enjoying herself. Jeffrey's dress comes out and looks really cool. You can still see the newsprint showing through the color-tinting and the trompe lo'eil belt adds a touch of whimsy.

Laura's dress was next. It was made of a peanut sack with a black paper flower detail at the waist. The tailoring is impeccable and the back panel of the dress says 'For Nuts Only'. I guess she envisions Vincent wearing this.

This is followed by Alison's design. Her dress is made of folded and krinkled creme colored construction paper. Her model is also sporting a giant blond hair-bow. Possibly to distract the judges from the unflattering garment.

Candy Kaynes dress is last down the runway. It looked like something the character Poison Ivy would have worn in a Batman feature. It was constructed of paper and mylar.

The designers whose dresses scored high enough for them to move onto the next round are told they can leave the runway.

This leaves Alison, Candy Kayne, Laura, Vincent, Michael and Jeffrey. Each designer is asked to explain how their design was innovative. Michael goes first and tells the judges that if he had chosen fabric, the wrap would be organza, the bustier taffeta and the skirt linen. Vincent is next. He tells the judges that he used a plastic sack, paper goods and confetti. His model has some sort of crazy ass Bo Derek '10' hair going on and I can only imagine Vincent telling the stylist to do this because his design is a perfect '10'.

He has a mini freakout when Michael Kors states that the dress was stiff and it appeared as though his model had difficulty maneuvering in it. Vincent replies by saying that this dress turned him on and that's what mattered. Nina says she thinks it's a little bizarre, to which Vincent agrees and tells her it's artsy and contorts his face. Heidi sensing that he may jump of the runway, grab their writing implements out of their hands and kill them tells him that she thought it was innovative.

Laura's next and tells the judges that she used a peanut sack, crate strapping and magazine paper. She modified the sack by pleating it thus creating what she refers to as an elegant joke. We see Michael Kors smile and look Nina's way. Maybe he's wondering if this dress comes in his size? Jeffrey is fidgeting and rolling his eyes.

Candy Kayne trys to win the sympathy of he judges by prefacing with how his original vision was scrapped and sent up into his model and dress emerging from a pile of discarded trash. Nina bluntly states this his garment is more like a costume than dress. Micheal Kors tells him that he stepped over the boundary of taste. Ok kids the gloves are off.

Jeffrey tells the judges that he used newspapers and magazines. He also goes on to say how his dress moves unlike the other designers dresses. That is unless she were to fall over.

Alison's design is made of layers of paper. Heidi waits for Alison to explain her process and then goes for the jugular. She tells Alison that the dress is unflattering and makes the model appear larger than she really is. The hair-bow makes Heidi think of Minnie Mouse- a fat Minnie Mouse. Michael Kors adds that it looks like a dinner napkin crumpled up and compares her to a paper brioche.

The designers are called back. Laura is in and can leave the runway. Michael is announced as the challenge winner and told he could leave the runway. I would have chosen Jeffrey's but me thinks the judges sense a bit of Santino in him and win not reward him for this. Jeffrey came up short, but is told he too can leave the runway. Candy Kayne is told he is in, but just barely and leaves the runway.

This leaves Vincent and Alison. Heidi tells Vincent that they appreciate his creativity but there is a fine line between innovation and insanity. Alison is told that her look was unflattering. The judges believe an alien must have temporarily invaded her body because they cannot believe a female designer would make so many poor choices.

Alison is given the Auf Weidersen. I think I went into a state of shock as they kept cuckoo around. I have to believe Alison is going to go on and do great things. I'll just keep on repeating that over and over again as I try to forget Laura's angry teet peeking out from her dress as she criticized Vincent. It all seems so unfair. But I guess crazy wins over sweetness...or at least at Bravo it does.

In The Right Mind?

Unbeknownst to me and I'm certain several others, International Left-Handers Day came and went. Yes folks, August 13 celebrates us wicked ones. It was a big week for lefties as a study released showed left-handed handed men enjoy better paydays than their right-handed counterparts. Obviously this is a broad generalization as I do not fall into that category. Although I do enjoy getting paid. So I guess it's partially true.

The significance of this day is to raise awareness of the challenges left- handed people experience in a predominantly right-handed world. I can still remember those horrible left-handed safety scissors with rounded edges that I believe were not created to cut anything. It also celebrates the strengths and advantages left-handers possess- dispelling superstitions that have surrounded this trait. For thousands of years left-handedness has been met with prejudice and suspicion, resulting in an almost universal attempt to suppress it.

Some personal challenges I have encountered as a lefty are:

1. Notebook binders are on the left side which makes for smudged writing, if I do not pay attention my hand will drag across my scrawl. I print everything when I do write as my cursive is hideous, but this could also be due to the fact that it didn't interest me when I was learning how to write cursive. This leads to slower handwriting and may have been the source of anxiety for me when taking tests.

2. You cannot sit next to a right-handed person while eating a meal, you'll knock elbows.

3.Desks at college were designed for the right-handed people, an arm rest exists to support the right elbow leaving nothing but air for the left.

Despite this stigma there have been many famous left-handed people and it has been said that the right brain hemisphere is more active in left-handed people thusly associated with genius and correlation with artistic and visual skill. Heck, that is why I decided to major in Graphic Design as opposed to Architecture. Which may also account for my neurotic attention to detail.

Coke is It!

Having walked past Burberry several times in the past week, I saw the many faces of Cocaine Kate prominently displayed in their windows. Apparently her contract has been renewed.

I have to chuckle at the hypocrisy of it all. Nearly a year ago British Newspaper the Daily Mirror revealed in their very own Clinton-esque way, an expose on what they considered CK's less than model behavior. An undercover investigator witnessed Moss using cocaine during an evening of debauchery with then boyfriend Pete Doherty, took photos of this with their camera phone and published them for all to see.

Moss is not the only model to cultivate bad habits, but she was unlucky enough to be caught powdering her nose. How else can you stay as thin as a prepubescent boy?

She made a comeback just months after the scandal broke and her predicted earnings have been put at more than twice the level before the scandal erupted. Viva la Moss!

Milton Bradley

I was having a smart cocktail with Diane von Furstenberg and I said, "what is the deal with kids these days? They have no frame of reference." She just raised an eyebrow and said "tell me about it."

Of course we were discussing yesterday evening's Project Runway Fashion Icons episode.

The episode begins with the remaining designers seated along the runway. Heidi comes out to introduce their next challenge. Before going into the challenge details, she brings out all of the models.

There are 12 models left since both Bonnie and Keith were 'Auf'd', so two models will go home. Heidi explains that each model’s name is on a button in the now infamous velvet bag. She will pull out a button, and that model will chose which designer she wants to work with.

The great model-pickoff begins, and the results are:

Alexandra and Alison
Clarissa and Angela
Amanda and Candy Kayne
Nazri and Michael
Lindsay and Uli
Daniel and Robert
Marilinda and Jeffrey
Camilla and Laura
Jia and Vincent
Katie and Bradley

Kiss kiss bang bang, poor Javi and Katia are out. Thanks for playing ladies.

Heidi tells everyone that the challenge is to modernize the look of a known fashion icon. There are ten photos of fashion icons in the workroom. The models are going to go in and pick one that they want their designer to do. Laura says that she is a bit frightened that their future is put in the hands of these models, as they don’t really know these girls. All I can say is honey, you can't put your model in a paper bag like you did with the dog, just because you don't like it.

In the workroom, Tim explains that when he says “go” the girls are to make a dash to pick whichever icon picture they want. On his “go,” the models fly across the room and tear for the pictures. It is a bit rougher than you might imagine. Tim then sends in the designers to see what they’ve drawn.

Clarissa, Angela’s model scored Audrey Hepburn, which is exactly what she wanted. Angela is so excited she threatens to pee her pants or cover the world in rosettes. Michael is beyond excited when he finds out he got Pam Grier.

Robert thinks that Jackie O is perfect for him as do I, anyone who has designed for Barbie surely could do this one. Jeffrey is pleased to be modernizing Madonna 84' since he does bangin rockin rags.

Candy Kayne gets Marilyn Monroe and Uli gets Diana Ross. Laura is satisfied with the Katherine Hepburn choice.

Alison is a bit confused by Farrah Fawcett and asks her model about
Farrah, and learns that she was a sex symbol during the 70's. I forget how young some of these contestants are, and in all fairness to Alison, the only thing Farrah has been famous for in the last ten years is acting kooky on Letterman. If that’s all you know, the design challenge is apparent.

Vincent is muttering some sort of gibberish about Twiggy. They really need to up his meds. Bradley on the other hand is completely amiss about who Cher is, which regardless of his age is in my opinion unforgivable. I mean Becky please. Where have you been living? Her Farewell Tour is still going on isn't it?

Tim tells the designers that they have two days, $150 and thirty minutes to meet with their models before heading to Mood. Off they go, and we see Michael picking some bright magenta fabric that he is going to use in a body-conscious design. Robert picks out a Tiffany blue fabric and plans to make a suit. Vincent finds fabric and happily maybe a little too happily describes his master plan consisting of bell sleeves.

Back at Parson's drama ensues in the sewing room. It turns out that Angela used Bradley's machine after Jeffrey did and now it doesn't work. This causes the designers to play a game of musical sewing machines, which is bad for all. Angela plays dumb, which frankly is not difficult for her to do and Laura jumps in. She seems to enjoy a good fight and I quite took to liking the term Keith Michael gave her of "bad mommy." She verbally bitch slaps Jeffrey by saying something like "if you're so good, why are you here?" Tsk tsk big red, let us not forget last season's winner Chloe Dao already had a fledgling brand in her hometown.

Vincent goes to talk to Robert. He's just not happy with the fabrics he's chosen for his outfit. Robert doesn't seem happy with his fabric choice either, so he takes some of Vincent's burlap-like fabric. How he believes this will translate is a mystery to me, but he's the designer.

It is the end of day one and we are treated to a shirtless Jeffrey. It is no matter what was discussed that evening as I am scarred for life by that image.

The next day we see Bradley making a top out of a salvaged piece of silver mylar- possibly salvaged from a balloon that came with his birthday gift a few weeks ago?

Tim brings the models in for a mini-consultation. After Nazri tries on Michaels outfit he decides he needs to up the hootchie factor. Bradley, cannot make pants. This was apparent in last weeks episode. He gives his model the gift of camel toe. Candy Kanye's model is a chatterbox which makes him send her to a time-out.

Now that the designers and models are together, lead Tres Semme stylist Nathaniel Hawkins enters the room and tells the designers that their winning ensemble will be featured in an ad that will run in Elle Magazine. Candy Kayne nearly loses his mind, that or the recent dye job he had has made him even lighter than air.

Bradley mutters to himself saying something like he just used some of their hair gel the other day and it made his hair look better. Could've fooled me. I though Vincent was the resident cuckoo, but I'm beginning to think I should've placed my chips on Bradley.

Tim reviews the designers outfits and agrees that Robert's outfit is boring and that Bradley's outfit looks more Wizard of Oz than Cher.

Onto the runway! Michael Kors has returned. Nina Garcia is present and the guest judge is my pal Diane von Furstenberg.

The first look down the runway is Alison’s Farrah Fawcett look modeled by Alexandra. It is a deep-V halter dress with a brown top and sparkly white accenting on the inside of the V, and the skirt is a diaphanous white.

Katie is next in Bradley's Cher outfit. It is still the silver mylar balloon top over ill-fitting white pants that have fringe tassels down the front.

Clarissa comes out next wearing Angela’s Audrey Hepburn outfit. It is a low-cut black dress with a black textured fabric overlay. It is sleeveless and the waist and bottom are accented by Angela’s signature florettes.

Candy Kayne’s leather and lace Marilyn Monroe look on Amanda is wonderful. He’s made a halter top dress with accents of black leather and a dash of crystals in the neckline. The dress is made of white stretch material with an overlay black mesh stretch material.

Laura's Katherine Hepburn look on Camilla utilizes the pair of high-waisted trousers she designed last week for the pitch to the INC guy paired with a wrap blouse. I don't want to like her, but her outfit does look flawless.

Vincent should apologize to Jia for sending her down in a black and plaid pot-holder dress with bell sleeves and his freaky patch pocket detail.

Nazri is smokin in Michael’s Pam Grier outfit which consisted of a magenta halter and hot pants.

Robert’s Jackie O look on Daniel was a burlap bag suit with a black tank top underneath.

Uli again worked with a fabulous purple print and made a lovely dress for Lindsay to wear as Diana Ross. It was a halter dress that had a cross-over neck line.

Finally Marilinda came down the runway in Jeffrey's updated Madonna look that was pretty much a bustier of red and gold fabric with a flouncy, short black skirt underneath and chunky boots. It reminded me of George Michael's "Too Funky" video where the models wore Thierry Mugler.

After the judges score the show, the designers are called back onto the runway where Alison, Laura, Uli, and Jeffrey are called to separate out of the crowd. They are all safe and can leave the stage. The remaining six represent the top half and the bottom half of the challenge.

The judges proceed to question and comment on the designs of the six contestants remaining on stage. Michael Kors likes Candy Kayne’s Marilyn look, but says it is a bit goth, but Nina wholeheartedly likes the look. Secretly you know she has a leather fetish.

The judges ask Vincent what he was thinking with the crazy plaid print dress, big bell sleeves and patch pockets. He said he was going for simplistic and geometric. Michael Kors says the pockets are insane and the judges agree that the outfit is so not Twiggy.

The questions to turn to Michael, who says he picked the powerful color of magenta because Pam Grier was always playing strong, powerful characters. He did not want to do a full pant in the magenta because it would be too much, so he went with the hot pants. Diana von Furstenberg loves the hot pants.

The judges are in agreement that Bradley did not get the Cher look. As Michael Kors points out, Cher is a chameleon, so Bradley could have made her anything. Well, anything but a sad-looking camel toed spaceman. Heidi is blunt and to the point. She says it looks like a cheap Halloween costume that could be purchased at a mall.

Angela explains her Audrey Hepburn look as a modern update to the classic black dress by adding texture and her rosette which she calls fleurchons. In this application they work because they are the same color as the dress and are only at the bottom of the hem. Heidi exclaims she wants one in every color.

Finally, the judges ask Robert about his linen suit for Jackie O. He says he wanted to update a clean simple deign with a different kind of fabric, but Nina and Diane both hate the linen because it is too sloppy and unpolished. Jackie No.The designers exit, and the judges deliberate.

They liked Candy Kayne’s dress, were impressed that Angela could do simple and sleek, and felt Michael really gave the whole package in presentation. As for the other three, they though Vincent’s fabric choice was terrible, Bradley had bad presentation and poor construction, and Robert got the fabric totally wrong.

The six designers are brought back in. Michael wins the challenge, and will be photographed with Nazri for an ad in Elle magazine. Candy Kayne is not happy, but Michael is thrilled and does a little happy dance right there on the runway. Angela, Candy Kayne, and Vincent are all told they are in and can leave the runway. It is down to Robert and Bradley.

Heidi tells Robert that he couldn’t have chosen a worse fabric for a Jackie O suit, and the whole outfit was boring. She then tells Bradley that he could have done anything for Cher but instead, he made a poorly constructed, cheap looking outfit unworthy of an icon.

With that proclamation, Bradley is out, and Robert is in. Robert gets the warning that the judges believe he has the talent, but he’s going to have to wake them up with his next design.

Bradley leaves the runway and goes to pack up his things. He’s breezy about being kicked out this time, and says there was serious fashion going on and he ended up making a tinker toy. He, like the ones before him this season, seemed to really like their experience and leaves speaking highly of everyone.

Made in China

WTF is going on in China!? Earlier this week a giant panda gave birth to the heaviest cub born in captivity and elsewhere twin pandas each gave birth to twins. The name giant panda somehow doesn't seem to fit. It is not really giant, but I suppose due to its cuteness factor, we wouldn't call it the black and white fatty bear. Apparently human babies are not the only ones being born super-sized as of late.

It has been reported that the birth of pandas in captivity is extremely rare due to the fact that female pandas only ovulate once a year and have a 24 to 48 hour window to do the dirty. This combined with the fact that most of their time is occupied by consuming bamboo shoots and sleeping make this even more unique.

After seeing pictures of this baby, I cannot imagine the prolonged labor being any better or worse than the sensation of a slow bowel movement for the panda mommy. In relative terms I would compare it to the aptly named foot long 'porn dog' on a stick that I consumed at the North Hasted Street Market Days street fair coming out of my ass undigested. I wouldn't like it, but I could do it.

In other Chinese news, not to be outdone by the Japanese robot, Asimo, a newly-created 'beauty' robot named Rong Cheng sits on display at the Institute of Automation of Chinese Academy of Sciences in Beijing. Pronounced, I'm not kidding here Wrong-Cheng, her moniker sounds suspiciously close to wrong change. She is equipped with cutting-edge technology in human-to-robot interaction and responds to human voices. Her face, made of glass fibre reinforced plastic, incorporates the beautiful facial characteristics of cover girls. And her eyes can move!

Her predecessors Pang Pang and Fei Fei only had cartoon faces. No images were available of these two, sorry.

Hello. I mean isn't Carol Channing a robot? She can sing, dance and is almost lifelike too.

Rong Cheng costs around 300,000 yuan (37,500 U.S. dollars). Although the cost could be lowered to less than 100,000 yuan if they mass produce 100 robots each year. A real value compared to the million dollar price tag connected to the Japanese Asimo.

Freaky shit.

Love Me Tender?

I know this in poor taste, but I've never claimed that I am about taste all the time. I feel that I should preface this by cribbing a line from Alice in Wonderland and say 'Off With Her Head'. In an odd news story from the Associated Press, a guard dog in London has damaged a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley.

Barney, a six year old Doberman Pinscher ripped the head off the brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff and was to be the centerpiece of a teddy bear exhibit at an even more oddly named children's museum Wookey Hole Caves.

Maybe the bear had the slight odor of a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich?

The bear is owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who purchased it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, Tennessee, and had loaned it to the museum. The bear is or should I say was valued at $75,000.

After the Rain

Rain finally came and cooled things off temporarily. Everything had been sun-baked over the past few days and the scent released by the rain reminded me of camping trips I had taken as a young boy.

Most if not all of those campgrounds either had natural bodies of water or manmade lakes that were full of Sunfish and Bass. As summer progressed these lakes would slowly evaporate yielding dead fish that would bob and float to the outer edges. The odor was distinctive and foul. Dead fish and stagnant water, this was the scent being released right here in Chicago as I walked to the bus stop. Not something pleasant like fresh cut grass.

The storm from last night had apparently been more intense than I imagined as there were several trees that had lost limbs. I only hope they get these removed before the weekend as Market Days is upon us- queens and downed tree limbs do not mix.

On my lunch break I saw something rather unique, and I say this due to location. It was still drizzling, but not enough to warrant an umbrella. On the corner of State and Ohio were two artists with canvas and easels painting a view of the recently restored Tree Studios building. Seeing this somehow felt very European as I am akin to romanticizing the living shit out of most things. They were impressionistic in execution and quite beautiful, I wished I could have watched them longer or taken a picture.

Heading back to work with this mental image I was jolted back to reality by a couple that were walking in front of me. The woman had on a pair of ill-fitting shorts that did not adequately accommodate her oversized derriere and one side of these was being swallowed by her ass.

Too Darn Hot

In yet another excessively hot day here in Chicago, I awoke suddenly this morning after having a very strange dream. In it, the interior space of Bloomingdale's Home Store was transformed into some odd approximation of what my mind wanted it to look like. It was a hybrid of many different department store interiors my mind had cataloged.

There was an odd room on the second floor which was poorly laid out and there were panels of quilts hung on racks, much like carpet panels that can be flipped through but about four feet high. I was flipping through them admiring the colors they were available in. There was an overly attentive Sales Clerk which caused me to leave this room faster than I probably would have.

In an attempt to lose this clerk, I went to the third floor which was a high end grocery store space. There were imported pastas and non-perishable goods massed out. In the back of this area was a prepared foods section that had meals to go. I was surprised because it seemed to be mainly fried chicken. There was a set a double doors that had a handwritten sign that said homemade sausage and vegetables.

I pushed these doors open and was surprised by what I saw. It was like the back area of a grocery store. There were bushel baskets with homemade sausages in them but also wilted and rotting vegetables. Shortly after observing this, a woman came bolting through the doors, shrunk and jumped on my shoulder and bit me.

I remember trying to shake her off and I think that must have been what woke me up and caused me to recall it so vividly. At least she didn't bite me in the ass.

Stars: They're Just Like Us

Except they make way more money and get asked to do product endorsements from time to time.

This is so yesterday's news but I can't help but chuckle over this one. First of all, boy bands are like mini all boy schools to me. Somebody is bound to be gay. I remember my parents wanting to put me in an all boy high school. My father had attended Catholic school when he was young. I believe they wanted to do it in my best interest as you can well imagine I was not getting along famously in the public system.

In short, my sister took the high road and learned the subtle nuances of adaptation, while I read books on how to make soap.

Anyhow, my parents didn't put me in an all boys school as I think deep down they knew that would scare the bejesus out of me. I was a raging hormone and I can only imagine what that experience would have done to me, but I digress.

Which brings me to Lance Bass. My roommate has always had a thing for this gay, I mean guy. Personally I think he looks like a puffy fish face, but to each their own. I don't know what he's got as *NSYNC hasn't recorded an album in years, so he must have invested his money wisely or is making some choice royalties off of previous hits because I'll be damned that his boyfriend is Reichen Lehmkuhl from The Amazing Race.

Having pursued acting, see 2001's box office flop 'On The Line', which ironically is the tale of a guy who meets the girl of his dreams on the Chicago 'L' train, but lacks the courage to ask her her name or number. Thus spending the rest of the film looking for her.

His most notable celebrity moment has to be his attempt to purchase a seat on a Russian space ship. He is currently developing an Odd Couple-inspired sitcom pilot with bandmate Joey Fatone in which his character will be gay. He said he thought long and hard about coming out, but I'm pretty sure that *NSYNC is on a permanent hiatus, so this was the perfect time for him to drop the 'G' bomb.

Maybe Reichen has a really small penis? I just don't get it, but it does follow the whole hot housewife and overweight husband that television has been progenerating for years now. I thought for sure that JC Chasez would've been the one to come flying out of the closet, but what do I know?