Not so Public Affair

I can't believe I downloaded the inflatable doll's new single 'A Public Affair', um I mean Jessica Simpson. What with the waning coverage of her divorce to Nick Lachey. I mean please, they got blood out of a stone on that story from beginning to end.

However, I read an entry on Defamer which compares it to Madonna's 'Holiday'. I must say it does sound remarkably similar, but I do love that song and anything that sounds like it is fine by me. Other sources are saying 'Lucky Star', but the guitar riff is totally lifted from 'Holiday'. Take a listen to this audio file from 1 More Hit.

The single was co-written by Simpson and Johnta Austin. The video by director Brett Ratner of X-Men fame and chronicles a fun night out with Jessica and her celebrity friends. Barf. I only hope that Ratner portrays Jessica as an evil Fembot who shoots all her friends with her jugs of death.

In other music news, Goldfrapp may record the theme to the next Bond movie, Casino Royale. I guess we'll have to wait and see if rumor becomes reality. I guess Jessica was too busy recording 'A Public Affair'?

Going Solo

I completely missed Pride weekend as I was working, I have to pay the rent, right? I have Market Days weekend off in August which essentially is like Pride without the parade. Plus, we have the 'Gay Games' here in July, so it is going to be a very gay summer. The joke for me of course is that George Takei was the Grand Marshall of this years parade. Becky please! Beam me up and out of here for real. The Second City indeed.

It's funny though because there is still debris from the debauchery that transpired over the weekend.People are so frickin messy.

I left for work early that morning amid some rather ominous looking clouds. Like an episode of the 4400, lesbians returned to Lakeview in a big ball of light possessing strange, paranormal powers and staking out space along the parade route. No I am not one of those gay guys who takes the opportunity to slag his sisters, I only say this because generally you don't see many in the Lakeview neighborhood with the
exception of The Closet.

My friend Paul and I briefly discussed this odd phenomenon at work. If you've read any of my previous entries you already know that I have a love/hate relationship with public transportation. However, after seeing "An Inconvenient Truth", I will gladly endure if it makes a difference to our already fragile environment, but that will be a completely different future entry.

Moving on, public transportation rerouted several buses to adjacent streets for the duration of the parade which would be felt well after the parade was over. Sunday was also ironically the launch date for the new Pink Line Service. He said that he was taking a cab home in light of this and offered that I could join him.

It was a crazy ride home to say the least. Ever arrived late at a party to find your friends well on their way? Arriving home was like that, and at this point I wasn't going to play catch up. A couple followed me in as I opened the door to the apartment building. I was greeted by the smell
of cigarette smoke and stale beer. Nasty! If I hadn't enjoyed dorm life, I was not going to start now.

Sitting at the computer Sunday evening documenting this, I reflected on the fact that I had actually been invited to two parties this year. Was I in jeopardy of getting a check mark on my gay card? This fleeting thought was silenced by a loud noise as if something heavy had fallen in the apartment. I went to investigate and discovered it was a soused couple in the interior stairwell that had attempted to climb the steps. That's gonna hurt in the morning.

Chubby Wieners

Summer will always remind me of running errands with my dad and sister. It is no wonder I like to aimlessly roam the aisles of Home Depot but why I also wax nostalgic about going to Ted's Red Hots for hot dogs. They would run their coupons in the Sunday paper and we would get our char-broiled dogs with everything on them along with a vanilla milkshake.

On one of the recent visits my parents made to Chicago, I took them to the Midwestern equivalent, the Superdawg drive-in. I think it's interesting to note that hot dogs are charcoal broiled where I grew up near Buffalo New York and that they are boiled or sweated here in Chicago. The Midwest signature being a poppy seed bun and nuclear green relish.

This brings me to a discussion my friend and colleague Paul and I were discussing. I had an errant thought for a parody on the whole Hooters restaurant draw which is based on the sex appeal of young women in white tank tops and orange shorts. Probably not the first to think of this idea, but mine would be called Sausages and feature men in wife beaters and well fitted denim.

We both had a good laugh and he told me that there was a hot dog stand in Lincoln Square called Chubby Wieners which features seven-inch dogs with one-inch diameters. I told him he must be joking, but he Googled it and there it was.

I still can't help but chuckle when I see the area on the Centerstage Chicago website that has a user reviews area with a link to read other peoples reviews about Chubby Wieners.

Me Likey

Who needs the dry cleaner when you can own your own prêt-à-porter? Made by Whirlpool, prêt-à-porter is a clever new device that de-wrinkles, deodorizes, and gentle dries your clothes in your home. It’s an instant ‘pick me up’ for your clothes when they're not dirty, just in desperate need of revitalization after too many outings in sweaty, smoke filled bars and clubs.

With the touch of a button odors are removed via a dry steam system. All you need is a cup of water. The compact little unit is the size of a vacuum cleaner and is also mobile. To mark the launch Whirlpool commissioned British designer Antonio Berardi to create a range of one off pieces, plus a limited edition of leather prêt-à-porter cases, which make the prêt-à-porter look more like a very swanky piece of luggage. All Whirlpool needs now is to throw a party in a sweaty, smoke filled night club so we’ve got a good excuse to wheel out the prêt-à-porter. It will be available from September.

Source: The Cool Hunter.

Coagula

After storing my Coffee Mate crème brulée flavored liquid non-dairy creamer in the side door of the refrigerator for a couple of weeks I discovered that it had transformed into a congealed mucus like substance.

As the saying goes "you are what you eat", and after seeing this, I will not ever consume this again. A few more days and I could have served it as flan.

It's My Party

Well not really. Last Saturday night was a party at my friend Kathy and Tim's condo. It was a celebration of their co-habitation as well as Kathy's completion of her graduate program in psychology.

I arrived around 6:30 to help set up and came prepared with an arsenal of festive party tunes should they be required to get things going. Kathy and I spent the first few minutes catching up while formulating a plan of action. She showed me some of the changes they had made to their home. Let's just say it looks fantastic, I felt like I had stepped into the pages of Elle Decor. I had an designer chubby.

After my brief sensory overload experience, Tim and I briefly deliberated over walking or taking the car to the local Jewel to get ice for the beer and soft drinks. We wanted to prove our manliness to Kathy, after all men were originally hunter gatherers. Of course we quickly changed our minds and justified taking the car as there were a few additional items that needed to be picked up.

To our surprise there were only three Barbie Sized bags of ice at the Jewel. I went to the customer service desk to see if they had more, but was told that they wouldn't have more until the following day. This would have never happened at Wegmans Food and Pharmacy. I can still remember shoveling shredded ice into the seafood case at 6:30 am. Like a bad date, some things never really leave your memory.

We returned to the condo, filled the coolers with what ice we had and Tim was off to get more. Kathy and I set to task in the kitchen to prepare the crudité and other such snacks for the pending patients, I mean guests.

Initially I was concerned as the guest list seemed to be expanding exponentially via their Evite online invitation. I assumed their place would never hold 65+ people, even if they were coming and going.

That amount of people never transpired and after a few beers, conversation with mostly complete strangers was just fine. However, I must eat more food at these things so that I don't wake up the next morning with my body trying to eat itself.

An interesting aside was that there were two affected older gentleman who live below Kathy and Tim. They described their place as messy. Now sometimes messy is and messy isn't, but in this case they weren't kidding. They took me an a guest to see it and I felt like I was in the basement of Buffalo Bill from "The Silence of the Lambs". Sharing this home was a cat named Colette and a very obese dog whose name escapes me. Colette was lying on top of a stack of papers and magazines which immediately gave me pause to remove any that I might have left out on the floor of my apartment.

Like the English Proverb quote "all good things must come to an end", my friends Todd and Jeffrey arrived from Minneapolis around midnight and it was time to go. Cinderella was off to be a hot mess in front of the out of town guests. Which in short is to say do not follow up beer drinking with a martini(s). You too may end up throwing a water bottle across the bar, even if no one is there to see it.

Confucious Says

Give me 1,000 yuan! Now you too can see if you are a descendant of the 5th century philosopher, that is if you are Chinese and have the surname of "Kong".

Experts from the Beijing Institute of Genomics at the Chinese Academy of Science can test DNA for approximately $125 and confirm genetic links to the grandfather of Chinese social mores.

Association with Confucianism was fatal during the tumult of the Cultural Revolution, when "old China" and its traditions were condemned as reactionary by fervent Communist Red Guards.

But since the 1990s, Beijing has been encouraging Confucianism as part of celebrating traditional Chinese culture and of pushing a message of obedience to those in power.

Fat, Sweaty and Loud

I wish the ban of cell phone use in automobiles was extended to include those who use theirs on public transportation. This is an incentive to riding the Red Line "L" as there are large expanses that travel underground leaving several cell phone users perplexed. Not nearly as perplexed as say, seeing several CTA workers lined up against the walls of an underground tunnel funhouse style which I did on Thursday morning.

Regardless, I caught the 146 bus which runs along Lake Shore Drive. This route provided a swarthy little troll of a young woman with a free and clear connection. I am not anti-cell phone people, but when you need to loudly broadcast your conversation the line has to be drawn somewhere.

Does this mean that I am beginning to understand the subtle disconnects that occur as you get older or that she is one of the many self-absorbed next generation that will eventually be running our country with their lack of proper upbringing, and stunted maturity?

Clearly I can now understand why people are experiencing hearing loss from their iPods as I turned mine up as loud as I could to drown out her blubbering. Yeesh.

If the observations of physicist Stephen Hawking regarding the earth being subject to a cosmic disaster in the next 100 years prove to be true, I will be on the next spaceship to the moon if it means I can avoid these types of individuals. Provided of course that they are not plagued by an alien colony which would like to use my body as an incubator for their offspring.

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

I watched the Matt Lauer interview with a corpulent Britney Spears who must be taking makeup cues from Tammy Faye Bakker. Hasn't she discovered clump free mascara?

As with many of these ratings shows, I was sorely disappointed that Matt did not ask questions the public (read: me) really wanted to know. Like what does Brintney think of the "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston"? What about that kiss with Madonna at MTV's 2003 Video Music Awards? Did Madge need a mint?

I smell fish juice. It's as though she signed a two-part agreement with NBC. One of which involved a guest appearance on Will&Grace and the other an interview with Matt Lauer in an attempt to give her credibility. Lauer's voice-overs clearly attempt to make her seem more intelligent than she really is using words like defiant and determined. I can only speculate as to what must have been going through his head while interviewing her.

I also noticed that he had a bottle of water next to his chair during the interview and she had a red Solo Cup next to hers- just what was in her cup?!

I'd Rather Dance With You

While I am collecting thoughts about the events of the last few days, I wanted to share a picture I took while walking down on the lakefront. The water level was lower than usual and revealed this quirky little musing.

June Music

I decided to start this month's playlist with a track by Above & Beyond. I knew them from their remix work, most notably for their version of Madonna's "What It Feels Like For A Girl" which was used to accompany the video for that single. Their first full length debut is an evocative mix of sonic textures peppered with some fine vocal tracks. Their sound reminds me a lot of Chicane's first album "Far From the Maddening Crowds" which will always remind me of summer and driving to Mendon Ponds Park in Rochester New York.

Since seasons have always been marked sonically to me through the memory of a particular song. This month features a bit of ambient, new wave, indie and electronica.

1. Tri-State • Above & Beyond
2. Paths • Robert Miles & Nina Miranda
3. Remind Me (Someone Else's Radio Mix) • Röyksopp
4. Ladyflash • The Go! Team
5. Damage (Buick Projekt Mix) • Tiefschwarz
6. Number One (Blackstrobe Remix) • Playgroup
7. Ride the Pain • Juliet
8. In The Closet (The Vow) • Michael Jackson
9. I've Been Waiting All My Life to Leave You • Flunk
10. Greatest Hit • Annie
11. Use It • The New Pornographers
12. Falling (Featuring Client) • Moonbootica & Client
13. Ant Music • Hyper
14. Get Together • Madonna
15. The Chauffeur • Sleepthief & Kirsty Hawkshaw
16. Swimming Places (Pete Heller Mix) • Julien Jabre

Lookin' For Love

I have yet to upgrade my clue phone, so it's nice to know that I have friends looking out for me.

My friend Ian invited me to join the next wave of online social networking er...dating sites, Connexion. I haven't really had the most success with these sites but my friend Adam did meet his boyfriend on Friendster. How could I not join when he simply sent me an email saying "hey why not! It's fun and there are hot boys on this site!". Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?

I sifted through a few images of myself looking for ones where I'm smiling. Somehow those seem to get the best response. Regardless, I am beginning to feel too old for this type of thing as I can remember having AOL dial up and meeting people through nothing more than an electronic classified ad without the benefit of pictures, which clearly was not a benefit.

An interesting side note however, is AOL's development of AIM Pages, a social networking site/home page/home base that stays active even when the buddy list is offline. I already have fear enough of leaving Limewire's file sharing program open and unattended.

I can remember meeting a guy back in Buffalo who described himself as blond haired and blue eyed. It was true, but he had maybe three blond hairs on his head and although he was a nice guy, there just wasn't a connection there. We probably could have avoided the awkward goodbye had we never met in the first place. That probably comes off sounding extremely shallow but c'mon now we all have types that we look for and frankly seeing a picture first helps to at least narrow down the field if just a bit.

In addition to tailoring your electronic profile, you can select a series of defaults to help others see just what exactly you're looking for, so that they can sense your freak flag from miles away with just a click of a button. The options you can choose from include:

Friends
Activity Partners
Dating
Serious Relationship

Which begets the question, just what exactly is a "Activity Partner"?!

The "L" Station at Damen

My friend Drew sent me a link to this artists website some time ago and I am just getting to it now, or should I say I am just getting around to posting and sharing it now. Sorry Drew.

His name is Bert Monroy and he is a photo-realist painter. Born and raised in New York City, he spent 20 years in the advertising industry as an art director and creative director for various agencies as well as his own.

With the introduction of the Macintosh 128 in 1984, he embarked on a new digital career embracing the computer as an artistic medium. He is considered one of the pioneers of digital art.

This guy makes me wish I had actually taken the time to read the instruction booklet that came with the Photoshop software.

Conceptual Grapefruit

I was born with a canine sense of smell. Any time the gym locker room has a pungent and heinous scent I take notice. I was the only person at work who noticed the faint uriuc smell coming from the bathrooms, the kind of smell that is emitted from an unkempt park men's room. Nasty. I have traumatic memories of working in the seafood department at Wegmans with a hangover. Let's just say I like things to smell pleasant.

In lieu of this, I failed to mention that while out in Minneapolis visiting my friends, I discovered a sublime liquid soap in Todd's bathroom. It was the grapefruit ginger hand wash from Waterworks. Let's just say that I have become a bit geeked out about grapefruit being the scent for summer. I found myself sneaking into the bathroom to wash my hands just so I could smell them afterwards.

Sad, but true, later that weekend when we went to visit Todd and Jeffrey's friend Terry who was showing his photographs at the C|W Lofts space, Jeffrey and I discovered some sort of citrus handwash in the bathroom. No, I am not obssesed with bathrooms- well maybe the design of them and if they are clean. As I recall though, their hand wash paled in comparison to the superior Waterworks one.

I also discovered that Votivo makes a candle called summer grapefruit. It has brought me many days and nights of happiness as it emits a fresh, sweet grapefruit scent when it burns.

True Colors

You with the sad heart, don't be discouraged as the 2006 Gay Games organization has announced that Cyndi Lauper will be performing at the closing ceremony.

The Games will take place from July 15-22 with events throughout Chicago and its surrounding metro area.

Tickets to sporting events as well as the opening andclosing ceremonies are on sale now at the official Gay Games website. Normally I twitch when shops use the spelling "Olde Worlde" for Old World, but I think that this really would have been a great opportunity to call it the "Gaye Gaymes".

As if the games happening at the bars on Halsted were not enough. Even the giant "pearl necklace" made of styrofoam balls
adorning Steamworks is a bit worse for wear. Hope they've got enough money in their budget to repair the existing one before Pride.

Namibia Is For Lovers!

I cannot say enough about this t-shirt except that I must have one and so should you. Image kindly permitted by Goldenfiddle.

Meriod: The End

The writing bug has been MIA the past few days. I don't know why, but I just felt like I was having a "meriod" or something. The definition of which I would describe as a type of funk that men have when they haven't gotten laid in 3 months or more. You see, I believe men have periods too although I'm sure this hasn't been scientifically documented and there really is no way to account for this. I would not care to disappoint my small but loyal audience who look for my witty repartee.

To combat this I have channeled most of my creative energy between this blog and work. I also started a new workout cycle today. Honestly, I need to make a few adjustments to it as it seriously kicked my ass, which is not always a good thing.

I've also decided to to sell off a few things that I just don't need and frankly other than entering the shower contest at Spin on a Friday night, which is not an option here folks as I do have a few morals left.

Holy Batcave

A minor point of interest was delivered to me through a conversation with one of my co-workers who said that the women on The View were all chatty about DC Comics decision to resurrect the Batwoman character as a high-society lesbian. Hmm. At first I thought this might be a good direction until I stopped and thought for a moment how by and large it is generally a male driven fantasy to see some girl on girl action, especially if the two girls involved are both hot and I have no doubt that Batwoman will be in top form physically.

Is this progressive or simply a ploy to capitalize on the sexually charged libidos of men?

Sliver

This morning I was making a breakfast smoothie. The blender was having some resistance due to the viscous nature of the smoothie so I thought I would stir the contents with a wooden spoon. I must not have been completely awake because I proceeded to plunge the spoon down towards the blades. I heard the sound of wood making contact with metal and pulled the spoon out.

It was missing a small chunk and I figured the piece would be large enough to remove once I poured the contents into a glass. What I failed to realize was the piece of wood that had come of the spoon were now mini wood chips. I managed to remove a few while I ended up consuming others. I am certain that I will give birth to toothpicks sometime later today.